Christmas

Well it's over. Christmas I mean and I DID have a good day despite it getting off to a rough start. My friend from Worcester was here and didn't sleep well Christmas eve and we had a little fight that morning but worked out our differences and went on to have a great day. I had my 2 best friends over. One of them lives next door to me and the other was the one that lives in Worcester. Neither one of my kids was able to come over so I just made the best of the hand I was dealt. I plan on having a celebration for me and the boys in June or July around of the 25 of the month. That way I'll be able to see the boys and open presents with them because I didn't get to do it on Christmas day. The youngest one comes early enough in the morning that it will feel like he's getting me up first thing in the morning like he does with his dad on Christmas morning.

I don't really have any traditions that I follow with the kids. I don't get to see them for Thanksgiving and most years I only see the youngest on for a few hours on Christmas Eve day. The older on comes most years in the early evening on Christmas day as he goes to see his adult sisters and has a celebration with them and his niece. I do feel left out of someones life because I'm not close with my sisters that live in this state and the one who lives in OH is so far away. This year she sent me a box with some Christmas presents in it but didn't get it out before and it still hasn't come yet. Maybe tomorrow. I did, however, get a package from her daughter who lives in MD and if I'd checked my mailbox before 4 I would have been able to pick it up and have it for Christmas. However, I had been told that the Post Office wasn't open Christmas Eve day (thanks for the wrong info sis in OH) so I didn't make any effort to get up and check the mail. The slip was there yesterday when my home health aide went to check the mail and she went and picked up the package for me. It's hard for me to get to the post office without a car.

I cooked a full dinner for me and my 2 friends and for the most part it went off without a hitch. The ham I cooked was a litttttttttttle over done around some of the edges because I didn't cover it when I put it in and I may have cooked it a little to long but everyone said it was good. We're still eating it and no one has complained about it. I also made my sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, rolls and had cranberry sauce. Don't ask why I made stuffing and had the cranberry sauce other than it sounded like I should have it for a Christmas celebration. I took way to much food on my plate and ended up getting a tummy ache half way through eating it all so I gave up eating and went back and sat on the couch. I ended up doing all the clean up while the 2 guys just sat there and looked at me. I had to beg them to help me finish cooking the meal when my back went out. I asked them to make the stuffing, mashed potatoes and rolls and they made more of a mess than I did making all the rest of the food all together. I found the roll wrapper in pieces on one counter, the boxes for the stuffing on another counter and mashed potatoes all over the stove. I'll never ask either one to help me again without telling them they need to pick up after themselves again. And what the heck is so hard about bending over and looking at the back of the refrigerator shelf to find things when they are told right where they are. Is it all men or just these 2. I must have said 10 times the butter quarters are in the back of the top shelf and they still grabbed the spreadable butter in the container to use in the potatoes and stuffing. I had to get off the couch and get the butter myself. I don't think men really listen to what women say when they tell them where things are. It's just to hard to listen completely to what they say. It was the same with the mixer. I told my friend 5 times where to find the mixer and beaters for it and still had to go into the kitchen and bend over to get the mixer out of the cabinet because he couldn't find it. If it had had teeth it would have bitten him when he looked in the cabinet. It was right in the front. Half the stuff my friend used to cook and make the pie with he didn't have to use he just wanted to make a bigger mess in the kitchen. Also what is with guys and rinsing dishes after you use them as well. NOTHING that these 2 guys used got rinsed off so when I went to clean up there were sticky, caked on dishes everywhere. My kitchen isn't that big and I don't have a lot of counter space and these guys left no room anywhere for anything on the counters. There were dirty dishes from one end of the counter to the other and on both sides of the sink.

Ok. Got that out of my system. I hope that everyone had a great Christmas and has a wonderful New Year.

Being Sick

I haven't been feeling well this week. I've pushed myself to get out and do things just because I needed to do these things and I was in denial that I was actually sick but there is no denying it now because I'm running a fever. I'm so tired but I can't sleep but I can't sit here and do anything either. I started running the fever last night and am sitting here now alternating between freezing and sweating my butt off. All I really want to do is sleep but I was stupid and took my medicine that keeps me awake and now I can't sleep.

Last Friday I got up with a slight soar throat and a pain in my jaw. I don't have any teeth in the area where it was hurting so I felt under my chin and there was a lump and not a little one, a great big one. I mentioned this to the nurse when she came and had her feel it so she would know what I was talking about and of course she poo-pawed it and I couldn't get in to see my doctor till Tuesday so I had to deal with the pain till then. It was hard to swallow and putting in my bottom dentures hurt as well. My mother came last Friday to stay over and make cookies with the youngest son on Saturday and I had trouble eating dinner and the cookies that I made with them. Eating anything that requires me to have my teeth in hurts and now eating anything at all is just painful.

When I went to the doctor's on Tuesday she told me it was some sort of infection and put me on penicillin for 10 days. It's day 4 and I was hoping that I would feel better but now I'm feeling sicker than I did when I went to see her. She checked me ears and throat and even pressed on my face to see if there may have been a sinus problem but everything was fine. I think there is something infected in a salivary gland and that is what is causing the problem. I will finish out this course of antibiotics and see what happens then. If I still have a lump then I'll go back and demand more tests to find out what the problem is. I'm hoping it's nothing serious but in the back of my mind I worry it's cancer. I worry about that way to much. After losing Dad this past spring to cancer it worries me even more. Being a smoker I worry about mouth cancer, tongue cancer and throat cancer. I don't smoke more than 5 butts a day but not to long ago I was smoking about a pack a day and had been smoking for 40 years plus.
I started smoking at a young age and haven't been able to kick the habit for more than 3 months at a time. I have gotten it down to 5 or less a day and can live with that and so can my doctor at this point. I have tried every stop smoking aide out there and am currently on Chantix which I credit with keeping me at 5 or less. If I go off it between refills then I find myself smoking more. There are days when I crave them all day and no matter what I do to distract myself my mind keeps going back to when I can have a butt. Other days I may not have one till I've been up for most of the day.

So here I sit, running a fever, feeling like crap wondering what I can do to feel better and wishing that today will be over soon. Christmas is 4 days away and all I want to do is sleep through it. I do have plans, my friend from Worcester is coming with his new baby kitty to spend Christmas with me and I may have the oldest son here as well (I don't know what the plan is yet as he has that week off and may want to spend the day with the girlfriend) I don't think I'll see the youngest on Christmas Eve day this year as I'm seeing him tomorrow. Even if I do see him it won't be for his normal time (8 hours) it will be for just a couple of hours. We are going to start a new tradition of having Christmas in June but that's for another post.

Please pray that I'll feel better quickly and this lump in my neck goes away. I don't like being sick and make a lousy patient. I tell people I have no patience for being a patient. I just want to get better.

Sunday mornings

It's Sunday and already my day hasn't started out the best. I'm going to make the best of what has happened but unfortunately what happened is going to keep me from going to church. That sucks.

I got woke up 3 times during the night by the phone ringing. I didn't have the phone next to the bed as the one in the living room died yesterday and I brought the one from the bedroom out to use. I didn't get up to see who called as I didn't want to get out of bed. The last call came in just after 6 this morning and I figured it was close enough to the time I usually get up to get out of bed. I found out that call came in from my friend in Worcester. The other two I'm not sure who they were from as Caller ID said they were private callers.

I'm also having a bad Fibromyalgia day. High pain and low energy. The pain level is probably high because of being woke up. I have noticed that the pain gets higher after I have a bad nights sleep. I didn't sleep well last night even with the phone calls. I woke up twice besides the phone calls because I was hot and the side I was sleeping on got very painful. I don't usually roll over in my sleep, I have to wake up to roll to my other side. It's been like that for over 30 years. I think that's because of when I was a truck driver with my first husband and when we slept in the single size sleeper I ended up sleeping on my side against the back wall and had to wake up to roll to my other side. I wasn't able to sleep on my back as my husband took up most of the sleeper. For a little guy he took up a lot of room.

I am still working on drinking my first cup of coffee. I'm drinking it slow this morning. Late this morning I want to get in and take a shower and I'm hoping that I can do that. I'm hoping that the pain won't keep me from doing what I want to do. I also want to work more on my upstairs neighbor's afghan. I have a lot of squares left to make. I want to have it finished by Christmas for him. I'm not sure at this time if I will or not but I'm going to try.

So this is how my morning has gone so far. I have high hopes that today will be better later today. I do need to make breakfast for myself and my oldest son in a little while. He got up and went to the bathroom but I think he went back to sleep. I know he'll want something to eat in a few hours.

I hope everyone out there has a great day. I'll write more some other time.

Vertigo

I have vertigo again. This is the second time I've had it in 6 months. And let me tell you it's not fun to have. It's like walking on a tilt-a whirl. I'm bouncing off walls when I walk down the hallway and just generally falling when I'm walking across the floor. It's not an easy thing to do.

I had gotten the coffee table/trunk I ordered on Thursday. Yesterday I decided to put it together. That was a real joy because some of the holes didn't line up and it took forever to get the screws in. I managed to get all but one in and that's pretty good. Now I have something to store the stuff that's under my couch in but it also means now there's something in the middle of the room and having vertigo that's not a good thing to have. I have fallen over it 3 times this morning and believe me hitting a concrete floor isn't fun. Yes there is carpeting on the floor but it's thin and doesn't offer much padding. I'm kind of glad that I do have the concrete under me because with me falling all over the place it' would make one hell of a bang through the floor and if anyone was under me it probably would scare the crap out of them

I lost my cable services for about 5 hours today so I'm just finishing this post now. I haven't been up and about or even gotten dressed today because every time I stand I list to the side. So here on the couch I have sat reading the magazines I got yesterday waiting for this feeling to go away. Last time it was weeks before I felt better and I'm praying this time it won't be as bad. I have medicine I can take that's supposed to make it better but one of the side effects is.....................you guessed it dizziness. That's what I'm trying to get rid of right now. I have to go see my doctor if I can get an appointment with her this week and have my ears checked to see if there's any infection in them. It my only be caused by the air pressure changing or it may be an ear infection that's causing it. No way to find out for sure what it is. I have never had motion sickness when I was on a boat or train or plane so I don't know why I get it on dry land. That's really what vertigo is, motion sickness.

So how do you deal with motion sickness? Pills, patches or what. I would really like to know so I can try something else to get rid of the vertigo. Help me out. Please.

Bad days

I haven't talked much about my problems with my health and today I'm going to do that.
I have a lot of health problems including Fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, bi-polar disorder, severe depression among other things. This week has been one of those weeks where I just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there till I felt better.

I haven't done that though. I go to bed at the same time every evening, set my alarm and get up at the same time in the morning and fight every day to stay out of bed during the day. Yesterday morning I was up at 4am and I stayed up till 10 last night just to keep to my schedule. Schedules are very important to someone who has the problems like I do. I did try to take a nap but found I couldn't go go sleep when I went in to lay down. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was afraid if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up till this morning.

I have had a few med changes in the last month and I think they are working better than what I had been on. Lord knows I'm more awake earlier in the day and can stay awake during the day. My pain level has been lower but no where near where I want it to be. The pain level that I have may have something to do with the depression. I read somewhere where depression makes pain levels higher. I do believe that is true. I have been feeling so badly that the last time I got dressed was Sunday when I went to church. I am sitting here in the PJ's that I put on Sunday evening and don't care what I look like to smell like. I haven't had anyone over and I'm liking it like that right now.

I did make an afghan for my upstairs neighbor out of extra granny squares that I had made and he was grateful for that. He is in a wheelchair due to a wrestling accident he had 20 years ago and his legs get real cold this time of year when he's out and about. I thought that he needed something to help keep his lap warm and had all these extra squares so in a day I put together an afghan for him. I did take it up to him last night and he loved it. I'm glad I could do that for him. I had a bunch of purple squares left over and made a baby afghan for a woman at church, which I took with me when I went last Sunday, for her new baby. I love doing things like that. I have a bunch of squares left over that I'm going to put together into an afghan for the back of my couch. That is as soon as I get the energy for it. Today I don't have any.

I was supposed to start going to the Senior Center today but I don't feel like going. I not only don't want to take a shower in order to get dressed but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and just generally feel like crap. That is the depression talking today. I'm going to call COA and try to set something for Monday after my Home Health Aide leaves for the day. I do want to start going there to socialize with other people. I may turn out to be the youngest one there but at least I'm getting out of the house and talking with people who are on my intellectual level. I don't feel the program I belong to has enough people who are high functioning for me to go and do groups with. Besides that program is all the way in Southbridge and I wouldn't be able to come and go as I please like I can at the Senior Center. The senior center also offers trips to the grocery store, Walmart and hair dressers as well as a meal during the day and other activities. I really want to go to the needle crafters group.

Please pray that I feel better and this depression lifts soon. I hate feeling this way and know that some of it is the time of year. The days are so short the lack of sunlight has a big effect on me. I need to invest in a sun lamp but don't have the money for it right now. I hope that soon things will be back to normal and I can start getting back out and doing things. Sitting here watching TV all day doesn't do me any good.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Children

This morning I got a very nice surprise. One of my boys called me out of the blue. I talk to both of them several times a week but neither one of them are the one to make the call. It's me who calls them so to have one of them call me was, to say the least, shocking. And wonderful. Neither one has school today as it's the day before the holiday but I didn't expect either one to be up this early. I'm up every morning at 6:30 to keep to my schedule. If I didn't get up at that time I'd end up sleeping the whole day away.

I started this blog earlier this morning but the power went out for a while and I lost everything I had written so I had to start all over from the beginning. I thought it would save it when I lost the Internet connection but it didn't for some reason.

Well I have a lot to do today in order to get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm going to make the sweet potato casserole today and put it in the fridge till I need to cook it tomorrow. I have gone the easy route this year by getting box stuffing and frozen pies. Last year I had made a pumpkin pie and it turned out absolutely dreadful so I decided this year I'd buy one instead. I'm not sure what I did, besides leaving out the molasses that made it so bad but even the dog wouldn't eat it. (that's a saying in my family. I don't really have a dog.)

Because of the power outage I'm now watching The Three Musketeers for the third time from the beginning. I suppose I could fast forward to where it went off but because I'm on the computer as well as watching TV I've missed some of it so to play it from the beginning means maybe this time I'll see what I missed.

Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Don't eat to much and don't stress to badly. I do wish my sister from Ohio was going to be up this way because as it stands now she will be alone for Thanksgiving. I try every year to have a dinner for people who have no other place to go and this year it would have been nice to have her here. I am having a friend from the complex who doesn't have anywhere else to go here for dinner. It's nice to share what I have with others. I love helping others.

Thanksgiving

Well we are 3 days away from Thanksgiving and I'm still trying to find out if a friend of mine will be coming to share dinner with me. I had invited a few people and got a conformation that one of those people will be coming, so if my other friend doesn't show up that means there will be.........................2 for dinner. I got a 20 lb bird (don't ask me why) so that's a lot of turkey to eat. I actually think I'm going to go get just a turkey breast to make for dinner instead of cooking the big bird. I already printed out the cooking time for it. I just need to make the fixings to go with a smaller bird. I'm cheaping out this year and making frozen pies instead of making them from scratch and making a box stuffing as well.

It's been a little bit since I have written anything and for those of you who might read this I'm sorry. (I know no one does read it, it's more of an online diary than a blog) I have had a few changes in my medications in the past month and a half. One of them is the med I take to stay awake and now it's working instead of me falling asleep after I take it. I am also taking something new for the Fibromyalga as well and that's working better than the last 2 meds I was on for it as well. I thought I might have to go into the hospital to do a med change or to stop some of the meds I take but both of my doctors seem to think I don't need to do that. I am decreasing the mgs of some of the ones I take so I'm not going to feel so drugged up. (at least that's what the plan is) I hate feeling like I'm sleep walking through the day. I also hate that I have to take something to make me feel awake but when you take as many medications as I do it's a side effect that can't be helped. I take 15 pills in the morning, 3 in the early afternoon and 12 at bedtime. That's a lot of stuff to be taking but I have found that I need every pill I take. One of my sisters thinks I take to many medications but she takes just as many as I do AND she takes narcotics which I don't. I took myself off those about a year ago. I found they really didn't work to well anyway. They really didn't take the pain away, they only made it so I didn't really care that I was in pain. That's not anyway to live.

So next is Christmas and I'm not looking forward to that either. I don't do well through the holidays because of the lack of sunlight and would probably like them better if they happened in the summer. Maybe, maybe not. I just don't like spending money on things that I can get any other time of the year. I've been getting the boys gifts and telling them that they are for Christmas so come Christmas day there won't be anything for them to unwrap here. Not that I'm going to see either one of them on Christmas day anyway. Maybe that's why I hate the holidays, because I'm alone on them. Having family around does make them better and when the kids aren't here for them it just makes me sadder.

I hope everyone out there has a great Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas just in case I don't write before then.

Late nights, early mornings

Well here I sit at 4:30 in the morning watching TV (the Twilight series specifically) wondering what the heck I'm doing up so damn early. I went to bed at my normal time of 10 pm but woke up after 4 hours wide awake and so that means I sit here watching some dumb movies that I'm not even sure I want to watch and PAY for them. I suppose I could have waited for them to come out on one of the pay channels I get but I was impatient and wanted to watch them today for some stupid reason.

I'm not the only one up at this hour in my house either. Both cats are wide awake, probably because I'm up and the little one is driving me nuts. I have some newspaper that was wrapped around some things in one of the boxes yet unpacked that got put on the floor and she seems to think they are fun to try and get under. Of course all she really does is scoot them across the floor but heck if she has fun doing it who am I to stop her. She can be so slow at times as far as figuring out that she can't get under something. It's fun to watch her try though. She does some real dumb things and thinks nothing of it, in fact she'll do it one minute and then turn around and do the same thing again 5 minutes later. I think she's a little retarded but I love her just the same. I truly think that is what makes her so special to me. She always makes me laugh.

Dumkupf on the other hand has been out to check out the food and water dishes and to give me dirty looks for pulling the bed together so he can't sleep on the sheets. He has this thing for sleeping on what ever side of the bed I sleep on. Snuggled in on my Egyptian cotton sheets. Now you may ask how does he know that they are different from other sheets and I don't have an answer for you about that but he seems to know that the sheets on the bed are the Egyptian cotton ones and not just cheap ones. If for some reason I do put the cheap ones on he won't snuggle in on them, he just lays on top of the blankets. It's not like he can feel the difference what with his fur but he can tell which sheets are on the bed and makes a point to sleep on them as much as possible. He likes to leave his fur where I sleep. I have already figured out he likes the way I smell and that's why he has to sleep on my side of the bed but have yet to figure out the sheet thing.

My youngest will be here in about 2 hours and right now I am starting to feel tired and am wondering if I could go back to sleep or not. I have had one cup of coffee but that has never kept me awake before so maybe I can go back in and sleep for a little while longer. I'm just afraid that I'll over sleep even with the alarm on. I suppose I can always go back to bed for a few hours after the youngest gets here and I think that is what I'll do. That is if I don't fall asleep watching Twilight. (Boring movies by the way. Guess you need to be a teenager to get them)

OK so now that I've paid for the third movie the darn cable isn't playing the movie on demand. I'm on the phone with Charter to see what they can do about it. I hate calling Charter because of all the automated menu's you have to go through to get a customer representative. No matter how many time you say agent it keeps asking questions and let me tell you yelling doesn't get you an agent any faster. I end up so frustrated when I have to call them.

OK the movie is playing right again so I'm going to finish watching this then try and sleep for an hour or so. Good night (or should I say good morning)

Long weekend

Here it is the long weekend and I have 3 kids here. Now I know what your thinking, 3 that's not bad but only 2 of them are mine. I borrowed the third one so I have no reason to complain about anything as I brought this on myself.

My sister is visiting from Ohio on top of having the 3 boys here and of course her first thing to say is "Don't the kids ever go outside?" If you know my boys the answer to that question is NOT IF THEY HAVE THEIR WAY. I did, however, mention to them that I have 3 fishing poles and asked them if they would go down to the pond to fish. Well now we have 2 boys with no idea how to set up fishing poles trying to get one pole ready to go fishing. I have given up trying to let them do it (I could have had it done about 20 minutes ago) and am letting them get frustrated trying to do it them selves. I have to shut off my ears so I don't hear all the complaining and swear words and just concentrate on the fact that they are leaving the house. It may only be for an hour but they are getting outside.

My sister is also getting ready to leave the house. She is going up to Maine and thinks that the boys (who she basically pushed to get out of the house) should drop what they are trying to do to get all her stuff up and into her car. I'm of the pholosipy that if you can't take it in one trip it doesn't need to go. I figure if I can't carry it I don't need it that badly. She is also taking my sewing machine she said but I don't know who she's going to get to carry that up as the boys took her stuff and the fishing poles and are out of here for a while. I do know I'm not taking it up. I got it out of the closet, cleaned up and into the living room because she said she wanted to sew but it's been out here for over a week and she hasn't even looked at the darn thing. Good luck. If she does bring it with her I don't expect her to actually do anything. We'll see what happens

I would love to go to Maine with her but I had committed to having the extra child here for about 3 weeks and then the youngest said his father was going to let him come and I couldn't pass that up. I don't get to see him as often as I want to as it is so this weekend is a bonus. But now I'm thinking what have I done to myself?

Now my sister is saying she doesn't want to go but I think she will anyway. I'm not sure if it's because of the long weekend or the long drive that's keeping her from moving to fast. Here it is almost 11am and she hasn't even been out of bed for an hour. Me on the other hand, I've been up since 3:45 as my sister (who is sleeping in the king size bed with me) makes 3 different noises in her sleep AT THE SAME TIME. How she can snore, click and wheeze all at once and not stop breathing is beyond me but she does and loudly at that. I am kind of happy she won't be here tonight as I think I may get a good nights sleep. At least that's the plan. When I think about sleeping now I don't think I've gotten a good nights sleep since the doctor took me off the Lyrica on Tuesday. Of course that was making me fall into unconsciousness instead of a restful sleep and I don't like that at all.

 My sister is almost ready to leave and the boys are out of the house so maybe I can go in and take a nap for a little bit. Wait, no I can't. I have to be up to let the boys back in the house as they didn't take a set of keys with them. OK I'll sleep later.

Problems Problems Problems

That is what my week has been. Well to tell you the truth it's been longer than a week but the past week has been worse.

I have been trying to get things straightened out concerning my move to the new apartment. One of those things was getting my transportation situated. Once I moved I was told I needed new PT-1 forms which for those of you who don't live in MA or have mass health are prescription transportation forms. Once you move, even if it's one apartment different you need to get new ones. Well if you have read any of my last posts, my doctors nurse is the one who has to do these and her normal nurse is out on maternity leave so the woman who is covering doesn't know how to do them. So today I called to set up a ride for one of my doctors and low and behold I find the PT-1 form wasn't there. Well they put it through on my old one so I can get there but it's a once only thing. Thank goodness the woman I was talking at Mart doesn't know what she's doing so I can get there. I keep getting told that they don't have new ones for my new address and the nurse tells me that she's put them through but some how Mass Health doesn't get them. My doctors regular nurse will be back in a month thank goodness.

Then there's the computer again. I did a mandatory update that Toshiba put out and now my computer is acting up again. I have spent 3 days talking to someone at Toshiba and it boils down to I think I'm going to have to send it back in again. I DON'T want to do that because that means either my son or myself will be without one for weeks again and I have a feeling it will be me.

And to top it all off my printer went offline yesterday and won't go back on even though I have re-installed the software twice. I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do.

Then this morning I get up and fall. Right onto my face when my leg collapsed. I'm waiting to hear from the doctors office to see if they can fit me in. That is if I can find a ride.

But on the bright side, someone from maintenance just stopped by and said someone will be here around 1 to, finally, put in my grab bar for the shower.

Maybe this week is getting better.

Crazy Lazy week

It's been a crazy, lazy week here on the home front. Crazy because I'm still trying to get all my transportation in place and am hitting a stone wall with my PCP's assistant. She is new and doesn't know how to do the PT-1 forms and they keep getting kicked back for lack for lack of correct information. Well it's the medical reason I need to go that's missing. You'd think that if Mass Health got the form for my PCP they'd realize that there must be a reason I need to go but here in MA you have to jump through hoops to get anything done. The system is so abused that now they make everyone jump through hoops to get the PT-1's. Plus it doesn't help that all my service providers are concidered out of the service area, which for me is Southbridge. Worcester is closer and has a ton more doctors but I live in Oxford and the service area for Worcester ends in Auburn. Sucks for me and the temp assistant because we have been going round and round for weeks trying to get these in place. All I did was move to another apartment in the same complex but because the apartment number has changed I need all new PT-1 forms. I only moved into the building before the one I used to live in so the cabs still come to the same parking lot but Mass Health has this stupid rule that if you move even one apartment over you need new transportation forms. Sucks.

I have also found I have a mouse and beetle problem. I'm not sure how the mouse got into the house but Sunday morning I got up to Middy chasing it across the living room floor. The last I saw of it it was under the heater in front of the front window. It even grabbed my charging cord for my I-Pod and was trying to drag that under there with him. Middy goes on point every time she hears the mouse and beetles and then chases them. Terminix was here yesterday to put down bait to kill them and now I'm afraid to let Middy chase and kill them. I don't want her to get sick from eating them. I don't know, however, to keep her from eating them at night when I'm sleeping. Any suggestions?

I tried a new way of limiting how much Dumkupf was eating to get him to lose some weight. I was given a suggestion of feeding him 3-4 times a day for 30 minutes but that didn't work. He'd chow down everything that was in the bowl and I ended up feeding him more than the recommended amount for the day. So I'm back to giving him 2/3 of a cup in the morning and 2/3 of a cup in the evening. I have to make sure that I stand over the dish in the morning and evening to let Middy eat first or the pig won't leave her anything. He tries to push her out of the way if I don't stand over the dish and push him away. It's OK in the evening to do this but they expect to get fed first thing in the morning right after I get up and all I want to do is put the coffee on but have to feed them first. That is my fault because that's how I've been doing it for years and now I can't change the system. I am going to start giving them water first then I probably won't mind as much standing over the dish to let Middy eat first. I just hope that she will eat more before the pig gets in there and wipes out what's left. I have food up high where he can't get to it but she doesn't like to eat up there it seems. She's just used to eating from the same bowl as the big guy and is to dumb to realize the food up high is just for her. Guess that's because of her retardation. She is an inbreed and is a little slow because of it. It doesn't make me love her any less. In fact I love her more because of it. It makes her special.

So that's how my week has been. Hope yours has been better.

September 11, 2012

Here it is the 11 anniversary of one of the most tragic days in US history. A day when the world stood still for a lot of people including me. A day that changed the lives of so many people and a great day of loss for so many. We all need to stop at some point today and take a breath and remember. Remember those brave firefighters, police and others who did all they could to save lives only to lose theirs. Remember the ones in the planes who never had a chance, remember those in the Pentagon who lost their lives and the ones who tried to stop something and ended up dying anyway in a field in PA.

I know where I was when I first heard of the first trade center building being hit. Do you? I know what I was doing when I heard of the second on being hit and then I remember what I saw when the buildings went down. I cried like a baby thinking of all those people not being able to get out, being on the planes and not having a chance and being in the Pentagon not knowing what was coming.

We have a tendency not to talk about the other planes that went down that day. Only the ones that hit the twin towers. We need to remember that there were 4 planes that crashed that day. Take time to remember the Pentagon and those on the plane that went down in PA. Say a prayer for them as well.

I didn't even know that a plane had been flown into the Pentagon or had gone down in PA till the evening of the day it happened. It was almost like an after thought to mention it. I spent days in the throes of depression thinking of the lose of life and in that minute I decided to change mine. I hope that I have done it for the better and I know that I have lost a lot for that choice.

I have 2 of the movies made about that day. They were from the perspective of people who lived through it and in the case of the plane that went down in PA, on what the passengers family's heard from their loved ones on the planes. They make me cry every time I watch them. I don't just watch them once a year, I watch them every chance I get as they remind me of what we have lost.

Remember also the troops that have been killed fighting a war that resulted from this immense tragedy. I know when my nephew went over to Iraq to fight how I worried every day that he wouldn't come home. He is by and far my favorite (I shouldn't play favorites on my nieces and nephews but I have a special place in my heart for him and his sister as for a while they called me Auntie Mom) and didn't want anything to happen to him so far from home. When he came home he wasn't the same easy going guy that went over there. It changed him and at that time it wasn't for the good. He has gotten better over the years but just recently I found out he re-enlisted and don't know what to think of that. He has his reasons I'm sure but I am going to worry again if he gets deployed over seas again and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. I hope this time to be able to Skype with him instead of writing a 3 page letter every day. For a while I single handed kept the post office in business. I bought rolls of stamps and was down there every day mailing at least 2 letters a day. I'm not sure if my nephew appreciated all the mail he got from me or not but it kept me sane. I still have the letters he sent me. Most of them contained drawings that he did for a graphic novel he wants to write. He still hasn't gotten all the characters drawn the way he wants them I guess because I haven't heard that he's published it yet. When he does I'll be the first on in line at my local book store to buy at least 5 copies. And when I get them I'm going to get him to sign all of them.

So today is a day to remember. Remember all we have lost and those who died on this day. Remember the troops who are still fighting a war that we never should have gotten into but are fighting anyway. Remember the families of those lost as they need prayers even now. And most of all remember to love everyone around you as they could be gone in a blink of an eye just like those on that fateful day.

Thank you.

Medications and laundry

I have 2 things I want to talk about here today. My medications that are kicking my butt and the fact that the laundry facility's here where I live have been broken for the past week and no one is coming to fix them

To start with. My medications. I recently had 2 big med changes. I am now on Lunesta for sleep and Lyrica for my Fibromyalgia. Both of them are heavy duty drugs that grog me out so badly all I want to do is sleep. Well at least during the day I do. When it comes time for bed I can't seem to get tired enough to go in and fall asleep. Even taking the Lunesta. It's supposed to work in an hour and then the effectiveness is gone. Well I'm on the highest dose of it and I take it at 9 pm so I'll be ready to go to bed at 10 pm but it seems that I'm not tired enough to go to sleep till midnight. I tried taking it earlier and just fell asleep sitting up on the couch and when I'd wake up and go to bed I couldn't fall back to sleep. The meds work funny on me. I can take something at 8:30 and fall asleep at nine but if I take it at 9 I don't go to sleep till midnight. Give me a break.

The Lyrica is another story. I'm taking it twice a day now. In the morning and at bed. I get up in the morning dragging butt and it doesn't get any better through out the day. Half the time my eyes feel like they are crossing and I sit here on the couch falling asleep but when I go into the bedroom to sleep I can't. Either because the buzzer rings or the phone rings. There is no way to shut of the buzzer but I can shut off the ringer on the phone. When I do go in to sleep, I lay down and it's like I'm floating above my body. Then I fall into a real deep sleep. Of course I have to set an alarm so I won't sleep all day and into the night. I never go in to sleep after 3:30 pm and I don't drink anything with caffeine after 4 so I'll have a better chance of falling asleep at night. (NOT) I'd be better if I drank a pot of coffee before bed as coffee will make me sleep.

So here I sit this morning half asleep writing this.

OK on to my next rant. The laundry facilities here. We have washer's and dryers in all of the buildings. Well Monday I sent my home health aide to do my laundry as I do every Monday. First I had her go to the other end of my building and she came back and said the machines were unplugged and vandalized. So I called the company who puts the machines in the buildings to report the problem. They said they would get someone over there as quickly as they could. So I figured OK I'll send her over to the building I moved out of as I still have a key to the outside door and laundry room. Well she came back and said the machines over there were the same way as the machines in my building. So I called Mac Gray again to report more machines were vandalized. They were like, We'll get someone there when they get there. I was told someone would come on either Monday or Tuesday but when I checked the machines on Tuesday afternoon the machines hadn't even been touched. I called Mac Gray again to find out if they were coming to fix the machines yesterday and they said they should be fixed by Wednesday evening. I don't believe it at all now. In the past I have lost money in the machines and called to say they didn't work and the same day the machines were fixed and in a week I got my money back on what I spent and lost. Now that I need the machines to get my laundry done I'm not able to do it. I'd send my home health aide to the Laundromat but the closest on is in Webster and she would end up using the whole time she's supposed to be here just doing the laundry as it wouldn't be feasible to go back an forth. It's just that far away. So I'm stuck here with no way to get my laundry done. If the machines are not fixed by Monday though I will send her down to the laundromat as I have a few big things that need to be washed there as well. I was planning on sending her there sometime in September anyway so why not get them done early.

So that ends my 2 rants for the day. Hope they weren't to bad to read.
Have a great hump day and rest of the week.

One week and counting

Well it's been just over one week since I moved into the new apartment. I am way ahead of schedule as far as unpacking concidering where I was at this time the last time I moved. This is the second move in just under 2 years for me and the last time I moved it took me over 2 months to get most of my stuff unpacked just so I could walk around the apartment and now trip over a box. Right now it looks like I only have 4 boxes left to unpack. Of course there may be more in a closet that I haven't taken into concideration. In fact I think there is one in the front hall closet that I need to get out and unpack today. I've been looking for my electronic cigarette and that may be where it is as I haven't found it in any of the other boxes I've unpacked. I had forgotten about that box till just now.

I borrowed a TV from my upstairs neighbor. We are good friends and the TV that he's letting me borrow is one that he's not using. In fact it's his sister's but she doesn't use it either. I'm happy that I have the extra TV so I could hook up a TV for my kids in their room. The oldest one is here this weekend and is pleased as punch that he can play and be on the computer at the same time in his room. I have barely seen him since he got here. Only long enough for him to come out and get something to eat and then he's back in his room. I did make it clear to him that he can eat breakfast and lunch in his room but I expect him to eat dinner at the dining room table with me. There is no reason he can't eat with me. Most meals we eat take longer to cook than eat so 20 minutes out of his day isn't to much to ask. He's not happy with it but that's the rule that I'm going to inforce now that I have a kitchen table that's all cleaned off and in a place that I can use it. I haven't been able to use the table in about a year. It had become a catch all for stuff I didn't have place for in the kitchen, and other junk I just didn't know where to put. Now I have to find room for things and make sure that what ever I have doesn't get dumped on the table. I have a 3 drawer plastic thing that I have to clean out of junk and I'm going to put that out here to catch stuff I don't know where to put. I do have to move some stuff that I put in the Chifferobe because I plan on moving that to outside the bathroom as soon as I get help to move it.

Speaking of moving things, I'm not sure why I told people to put the bed where I did but now that I have been sleeping in it that way for over a week I don't like the placement of it and want to move the bed. My bed room isn't that big and I'm not sure how I'm going to get the 5 pieces of furniture in there and still be able to move around but I have to move it because the fug-sway isn't right. I'm not used to sleeping with the head of my bed the way it is and want to move it so it's on the opposite side of the room but not under the window. I'm finding out that there are only 3 outlets in the bedroom which is about 2 outlets to few. All the rooms are that way. There is only one outlet per wall even though code says that there is supposed to be one every 8 feet. I'm going to have to get a few more extension cords to make sure that I have enough power going to the things I need power to.

I love my apartment but am having a hard time adjusting to everyone being able to look in my windows. I need to get some curtain rods and curtains to hang. I have things that I had hung over the windows in my old apartment over the windows in the bedroom and I can hang the one back up on my bedroom window but the one in my sons room he's using to sleep with. If I can get him up later I'll dig out something else for him to sleep on so I can put up the blanket over his window. It will make the room real dark but that's the way I like to sleep and right now I have a light from a light post right outside my window shining in keeping me away. I'm not going to put it up though till I move the bedroom around and I hope I can get that done this weekend. I just have to round up some bodies to help. I can do some of it but it would be better if all I had to do was sit back and direct. My back would appreciate it very much. If I do move the furniture I know I'll be paying for it for a week. I guess if I want to go to church tomorrow I won't move anything today and I had better make sure I have nothing on the schedule for the next week. I don't think I do but I have to find my date book and make sure.

Well my big kitty that I call Fat Boy is up on the couch looking for attention so I'm going to stop writing for now. I'll let you know how the furniture move goes. If you don't hear from me for a week it may be because I can't type or lift my arms.

Have a great week.

Moving Stuff (part two)

Well I'm all moved. In fact my home health aide did the final cleaning of the old apartment yesterday and I turned in the keys. I think they will probably find more things that needed to be cleaned but my home health aide did quite a bit to clean it up and that's more than can be said for most people who move out of here.

I have a dishwasher............................................ That's so neat and needed.

I still have a lot of boxed in the new apartment that need to be unpacked. Here's the problem though, things are not in the same place they were in the old apartment so I have no place to put some stuff. Especially the things that were once on the little shelving unit next to the end of the couch where I always sit. That is now across the room with the printer on it. Some of the things, like the phone books can go back on there but the other stuff is things I like to have close and don't have anyplace to put them now. I suppose I can put some of the stuff on the bookcase that is now next to me but I don't want to load that up with stuff.

Well now that I'm here I've found some things that are not the same as the old apartment and the one before that. The bedroom is even smaller but now I have 2 bedrooms so I'm not going to complain to much about that. The living room is much bigger which is very nice and now I have a separate dining area for the table and side board. I like that quite well as well. It's nice to finally have the table cleared off so I can have people over to eat at it. I have already had someone over and had dinner there. The kitchen is also bigger. I have more cabinate space so I can put some of the stuff that was on the counter in the old apartment under the counter. I still have all the stuff that I had over the cabinets up there as there isn't that much more cabinate space and the shelves in the cabinets are low so I can't put tall stuff in them like the old place. That stuff is under the counter now. I have a fairly new refrigerator and that's nice. However, when they came in to clean the apartment the refrigerator got turned up all the way and everything in it froze before I knew what was happening. I turned it down and it seems to be better. I have found that I need to get at least 3 more lamps for the apartment though. I only have 3 now, one in the living room, one in my son's room and one in my bedroom. I need to get at least 2 more for the living room and one for the dining room. It gets very dark because I have no ceiling lights except for the kitchen, hall and bathroom.

And speaking of the bathroom, I have never seen one so small. There is about 4 inches from the side of the toilet to the wall, 4 inches from the vanity to the toilet and the same from the vanity to the bath tub. The bath tub is even shorter that my old one. The room isn't big enough for me to stand in front of the vanity and have the door open. It's not only small in lenght but narrow as well. Plus the door doesn't like to shut without having to push real hard on it. I don't know why the painters feel they have to paint over the hinges but it makes doors hard to close when they do that. Come to think of it all the doors except the front door don't close all the way unless you push hard on them. But the bathroom is bad because the door knobe doesn't always open the door. I got stuck in there for about 15 minutes the other day because I couldn't get the knob to turn all the way.

My front door on the other hand doesn't latch. If I leave it unlocked and someone opens the security door up stairs or in the hall down here my door opens from the air pressure. And locking it takes a lot as well. You have to jiggle the door back and forth to get it to lock. Not something you want to do when your half asleep in the evening. I have made a list of things that need to be fixed here and hope that the guys show up today to fix them. Especially the front door. I don't want to leave it unlocked to just pop open and have the cats wander out because of it. I also don't want to keep it locked all the time because my friend comes over and can't juggle the door to lock it.

The dishwasher has a wheel that comes off but that's minor. It does make noises when it starts up and if and when the guys come to fix stuff I'll start it up to show them the noise it makes. I had to run out and buy dishwasher detergent for it but didn't get the one I wanted. I have to get a rinse aide for now but next time I get the stuff for it I'll read the package completely to make sure it's one that has the rinse aide included.

Can't wait for cable, internet and phone to go on tomorrow. There had better not be a hitch with that or I'll be very upset. I need to call Charter today to check and make sure they will be coming tomorrow. Right now I'm piggy backing on my friends internet and because his apartment is next to mine I can use one of his many hand sets for his phone in my apartment so I can make calls. My cell doesn't come in to well here in this apartment like it did in the old one. I'll be happy when I have my own phone and secure internet.

Oh yah, if anyone finds a pair of wire rimmed reading glasses, power 1.75 or 1.50 they are mine. I seem to have lost them somewhere in this vast space I now have in my new apartment.

Good bye for now and if you find my glasses let me know. In fact if your in the neighborhood stop in and see me.

Help I'm drowning in a sea of boxes

Well it D day in 2 days. At least that's the plan. I have boxes everywhere in the house and am triping over them. That's a hazard for someone who has problems just walking. I can't use the cane and there are so many boxes that I have to step over some to get where I need to get to. The kitchen is almost completely done. All I have to do is the stuff on top of the cabinates. I am going to pack all the pots and pans and stuff, only leaving out some paper plates and a knife to cut the pizza's I'm going to get if I can get to the store today. I had a hard time cooking dinner last night as most of the stuff I needed to stir, flip and cut with were already packed away. It was a trip trying to cut up chicken breast on the counter with a bread knife but I got it done and it wasn't mangled to badly.

Because of all that's going on I'm understandably stress to the max. I have had a migrane for going on 2 days now and even the Tylenol that I've been taking isn't doing anything. I might as well be taking sugar pills. I have tried taking something for anxiety with the Tylenol but then all I want to do is go to sleep and I can't because there is to much to do around here. Even the cats are stressed over not having room to move. Middy does, however, like the boxes that are stacked up because now she can get up on top of the bookcase and microwave and knock the stuff off there. I have even caught her eating my plant which isn't good.

I have been watching movies but feel today I should pack them up to be ready for Thursday. That means I won't have anything to watch on TV. I think I can borrow some movies from my friend that lives up here but he has a limited selection and that's mostly horror movies which I don't care to watch. We'll see what he has and maybe I'll borrow them. I could always just sit here and watch Lord of the Rings, all 3 of them, over and over till they are burned into my mind. I had never seen all of the movies, only bits and pieces of the three of them, and had parts mixed up to the point where I didn't know which movie the parts I'd seen came from. Now I have seen all 3 and wouldn't mind watching them again. Plus it's a good way to kill 6 plus hours. I have also been reading a lot on my Nook and I had ordered 3 books from Barnes and Noble and read those in 2.5 days. I have also gotten the last of my regular yarn and have been crocheting while watching movies to keep my hands busy so I won't smoke. I feel like I'm going to explode right now because I haven't been able to watch Judge Judy or any of my other shows for almost a month now. I can't wait till the 22nd for the cable to be turned back on.

My oldest son has been here and it's been tough trying to balance being a mother and all the packing as well. He wants to stay up all night and sleep during the day which is screwing with my packing of the bed room. Plus he has his X-box games spread out all over the living room and no matter how many times I stack them up or put them in his bag they end up all over the place the next day. He doesn't seem to understand that we are moving and he needs to keep his stuff together so it doesn't get packed in a box where he might not see it for months. I have a feeling that's how long it will be till I can get every thing unpacked. I have been marking the boxes but sometimes things get missed and don't show up for a while.

Well better get doing something even if it's wrong. Besides I need to clean a disc so it will play in the VCR.
Later.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh finally............

I got my computer back today. It still has the same problems but after trying to get someone on the phone while trying to see if I could change the sound settings and getting sound finally out of the computer I gave up trying to talk to someone. Besides I'm still using my cell as a primary phone and am running low on minutes so after waiting 5 minutes for someone to pick up I just gave up.

I fixed the sound problem myself anyway. The other problem I don't think it's ever going to get fixed so I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I've got a lemon and that's that. I think I can get by with using an external mouse so my answers to questions don't just change on their own anymore. That's what happens when I use the mouse pad on the computer. The cursor goes where it wants and my answers just change on their own. I do a lot of surveys online and having my answers change sucks.

My oldest son is here for a while. I know he goes back to school towards the end of the month so I want to spend as much time with him as possible. His only problem is he stays up all night and sleeps half the day. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't keep the light in the living room on and talk so loudly while playing on the X-box. We still have the internet (I have no idea why when everything else has been shut off) so I'm able to connect with the outside world which is nice. I'm not making any calls to the cable company to let them know they didn't shut me off the internet because my son would be calling his dad to take him home and I wouldn't see him till the cable and stuff came on in the new apartment.

Speaking of which, it looks like I'll be moving in there on the 16th. I found out RCAP inspected the apartment last Friday but I still haven't heard from anyone as to how much I have to pay for rent. I need to call them and find that out but that means I have to get dressed and go to my friends house who lives up here near me and I'm not in the mood to do that. Tomorrow I have to go out so I'm hoping that he'll feel up to having company so I can make the phone call then. I need to call and find out what's happening so I can get stuffed packed quickly. I really need to get on the stick and do that. I plan on having my home health aide help me on Friday, Monday and Wednesday help me do what needs to be done so on Thursday when the guys get here everything is done and can be moved with ease. Of course there will be some stuff that I'll have to move on Friday but for the most part I want everything packed and ready. I still haven't figured out where I'm putting the boxes as there isn't much room in here along walls and I trip on things in the middle of the room and don't like falling. I have no idea where to put things. I have to much stuff for the size of the apartment but I'll have more room when I move and can put things away instead of stacked on top of the cabinets and on the table. I'll finally have counter space for all my kitchen appliances in the kitchen. I'll also have a dining room so I won't be tripping over the chairs in the hallway. My sons will also have their room so I'm putting the desk and desk chair in there for them to work on. One more thing out of the living room. But I may not have room for all my bedroom stuff in my bedroom and may need to put the chifferobe in the living room. (that is a double closet with drawers in the center in case your wondering) It my have another name but that's what my grandma called it.

I hope all goes well in the next week and things go the way I need them to go. Please wish me luck and pray for me. Thanks.

Moving stuff (part one)

Well here we go again. For the second time I'm trying to pose this. I lost everything I had written when I moved the mouse I have to use because the mouse pad doesn't work right. (which I'm still waiting for the box so I can send it back for the second time)

In case you don't follow me on Face Book I'm moving (hopefully) on August 15th. I say hopefully because I still haven't finished the paperwork for this place and I haven't heard from my Section 8 case worker. I only found out a little while ago that they had the paperwork for  me to finish here and that they haven't heard from my case worker which prompted me to make a call to her. That was a royal pain since I only had her first name written down but now I know her last name and extension so if I need to I can call her when ever. I'll probably be making a few calls to her today because I've not had good  luck with those people calling me back. It seems that they don't care if you have questions about things. I was told to call her if I did but when I do I don't get any answers.

Well back to the subject at hand. In anticipation of moving I had my cable (TV, phone and internet) shut off so I wouldn't have a bill to pay in August as I'm going to be spending most of my money on the move. I will have to pay this months rent where I am, rent for the month of August in the new apartment plus half the security deposit for the new apartment. Now I know your wondering why I have to pay a full months rent here and in the new place and that's because that's the way this place works. If you move in on the 15th you still pay the full month and they send you a check for the prorated amount. So I'll be getting a check bad from them for half the month in this apartment, half the month in the new apartment and the security deposit on this apartment. Of which I will end up using to finish paying the security deposit on the new apartment. So that doesn't leave money to pay a cable bill for the month of August. And besides that my contract ran out on August 6th and I was being billed individually for each of the services I was getting. When I opened the e-mail with the bill for August I almost had a heart attack wondering how could it be this high. So I called and found out that after the contract was up I would be billed for the individual services at the normal price. What I ended up doing is having the new services start the 22 of August in my new place under my name instead of transferring the services in my friends name. I knew that there was a reason I was paying off the old bill in my name. (other than to clear my credit) If I had tried to transfer the services from one apartment to another AND change the name I would have not been eligible for the rate that I'm getting as a new customer so I'm glad I did it the way I did.

But in the mean time I'm without TV. Most of the time it was just background noise to listen to but there were a few shows I followed faithfully and now I can't watch them for a month. One of them was Deadliest Catch which had it's season finale the day after I shut off the cable. I don't think Discovery channel has a On Demand channel that I can catch the last show on at someone else's house and I'm very upset that I missed the 2 hour show. I have to see if one of my friends that has cable will let me watch the show if we find out Discovery channel has an On demand feature. I'd love to see how this season ends. I'm really hoping that Jake and Josh end up getting to be the captains of the Cornelia Marie next year. It would make their father Phil Harris proud if they took it over.

So I guess I can say I'm a TV, internet junkie. I can't live without either of them. The phone yeah I can live without that to a point and that's why I have the cell. Of course having the mobility problems I have and not being hooked up to life line means I have to carry the cell with me at all times which sucks but hey what can you do about that? It's easier just to push the button on my necklace and have them call the police, ambulance whatever than for me to call on the cell and be transferred to Oxford from the state police. I pay for that convenience and when I get moved I'll get it back. I just have to find out who to call to do that.

I am in complete withdrawal from TV and internet. I have to go to my friend's house to log in and check my e-mails and such. It's a pain in the butt which is going to get even bigger because I finally got the box to send my computer back in. I have to do that at the beginning of the month when I have the money to have UPS come out and get it. That sucks. I'm going to be taking back the computer that I gave my oldest son for a while so I can keep up on Face Book and such. I just wish I knew someone who would let me splice into their cable so I could watch TV. Not having it sucks. And I won't have it for a week after I move into my new place either. I'm still trying to figure out where everything is going to go in the new place on top of things.

Toshiba computers

I needed to get a new computer so I did some research and decided on a Toshiba Satellite. I knew that my nephew had one so I called him to see how he liked his and he said he liked it, it worked great and also he thought I was getting a good deal with this one. So I went ahead and bought it. I ordered it through Wal-Mart.com and received it about a week after I ordered it online. Well right out of the box I found I had problems with it so instead of calling Walmart and complaining about it I went to Toshiba to resolve what was going on. Big Mistake.

I was told by a technician at Toshiba Tech Support that I needed to send the computer back to them to get the problem fixed and that I needed to pay $25.00 to have them send a shipping box to me through UPS then call UPS to come back and pick it up. I found out later that UPS charges to have a pick up and that was another $10.00. So I did what they wanted me to and sent it back. I had only had the computer for 1 day and back it went. Well I waited to have them fix the problem and got word that it was coming back to me on Monday.

I unpacked the computer yesterday with high hopes that the problem that I was having was fixed. The repair slip that was with the computer said it was some sort of software problem that the fixed. So I started to install the programs that I wanted on the computer. I ran into a problem right away with it. The problem that I had sent it in for wasn't fixed and now I don't have sound. I hear Skype starting up but can't hear anyone when I use Skype. I also can't hear any music when I play it. I can't even use the headphone jack because it doesn't work either. So I placed another call to Toshiba Tech Support and was told that I needed to send it back again at another cost of $25.00 and a UPS pick up charge of $10.00. So now I'm into Toshiba for an extra $70.00 on top of the $300.00 I paid for the computer and have massive problems with it. I called Toshiba Tech support 4 times yesterday trying to either get a new computer or my money back and even called Wal-Mart.com to see if I could get my money back and was told that because it was beyond the 15 day return time I couldn't get my money back from Wal-Mart or Toshiba. This is total bull shit.

Anyway here I am now with a computer that still needs to be fixed so I'll be without one for about 2 weeks while I send it back. At another cost to me of $35.00. How fair is it to a customer to have to pay for a return on a repair that wasn't resolved in the first place? And why can't they replace an obviously defective machine? Toshiba doesn't give two shits about their customers and if anyone reading this is thinking of getting an new computer DO NOT ever buy a Toshiba. They are junk. I have a $400.00 paper weight now that I have to pay MORE money to ship it back. I am not a happy camper and Toshiba Customer support isn't doing anything to help me resolve this problem. They don't care about their customers at all.

So to end I will never buy anything else made by Toshiba. Be it a computer, Tablet or TV. They have lost a customer for life.

Fourth of July

Fireworks, cookouts and swimming. That's what the fourth usually means to people. Yesterday it meant shopping to me. I only get to go and do big grocery shops twice a month. The third or after and the thirteenth or after. Those are the times that I either get paid or get my food stamps. So to go and get what I need for the month has to be planned out very thoughtfully and it's planned months in advance which days I'm going. I rely on my caseworker from a mental health support group I belong to to take me because I don't have a car of my own to do it. Because my case worker doesn't work Sunday and Monday and there is a standing staff meeting that takes most of the day Tuesday that meant I went shopping on Wednesday which happened to be the fourth.

It didn't really feel like a holiday to me because I did all the things I would usually do on a regular week day. I did get up at my normal time and I had planned with one of my friends to have him come over to be in the house so I felt comfortable to take a shower. I have fallen in the shower in the past and have a life alert button that I wear but would rather have someone here when I go in. I felt so much better when I got out which is always the case. It's hard for me to get in there though because it takes a lot of energy and most days I just don't have it. It also hurts to get in there. I have Fibromyalgia and other pain issues including bad knees and a bad back. It's hard most days just to get out of bed not to mention trying to lift my legs to get into a tub. I have a shower stool so I can sit when I get in there, it's just getting in there that's hard. Most people don't have any sympathy for me and that is their problem not mine. I'm not looking for it anyway. I try not to let people know how bad I feel, pain wise, anyway. It's a constant thing that varies from day to day in intensity but never gets below a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Today is one of those days where it's running about an 8 and there isn't any thing I can do to make it less. It's also hot outside and this afternoon I have an appointment regarding getting my section 8 and that means I have to get dressed which can be a problem.

My home health aide comes in 3 days a week to do things that I'm not able to do for myself anymore. Things like washing a full sink of dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and laundry. Even simple things that most people take for granted like making the bed can cause my back to go out then I'm done for the day.

To get back to the fourth because I got off on a tangent there. So after hearing fireworks for 2 nights from the towns around me and probably Worcester as well some idiot that lives here in the complex got his hands on some illegal fireworks. It wasn't just one person because they were going off in a lot of parking lots and courtyards. They make more noise than pretty colors and are just a pain in the rump because the idiots don't respect time limits. At 1AM I was still hearing them going off even though I had shut the windows and turned the A/C on to drown out the worst of the noise. When the towns light them off, because of where my apartment building is, I'm not able to see them but I can hear them. The noise isn't that bad to handle and the cats are only spooked a little. Well with the fireworks going off right outside the window last night the cats were totally spooked out. The big one, Dumkupf, weights in somewhere around 30 lbs and he was trying his hardest to get under my bed. My bed sits low to the ground and there was no way he was getting under there. He had his head and part of his upper body under there but got stuck. The little on, Middy, is small enough that she can get under the couch so she was hiding there. After I shut the window and finally went back to bed they both got on the bed, one on each side of me, to try and get me to protect them. They don't do this very often so it was kind of nice. They stayed there most of the night as well because every time I woke up to roll over I found I was pinned to the bed.

I know that for the next 6 months I'm going to be hearing someone up here lighting off firecrackers and other noise making fireworks. Now that the new management has taken over there isn't a security person to patrol the property at night. At least when you call the office number there isn't any way to get connected to them like there was a few months ago. Being that this is private property the police don't patrol up here and when you call about noise complaints you can't even call on 911. They tell you to call back on the non emergency phone number which is a pain in the butt because it's not listed in the phone book I have and they don't really give you a chance to ask what it is. I have to call a friend to have them look the number up for me. Even then when you get someone they say there isn't anything they can do as Orchard Hill Estates is privately owned and they can't do much. They in turn tell you to call security and now there isn't any. It's something that I'm going to talk to the new property manager about because if there was security here last nights noise wouldn't have lasted as long as it did and they could have confiscated the illegal fireworks and made a report about who was lighting them off to put in the file of trouble makers up here. Maybe the next time their lease is up they wouldn't be able to renew it if they have enough reports and complaints about them. At least that's what I wold hope would happen but I have a feeling that that isn't the case.

So that probably means again tonight I will be running the A/C to drown out the noise. I struggle every summer to pay the electric bill because of having the extra electricity to run the A/C, X-box and other toys or games that the kids use during the summer months. I don't want the kids to just be sitting around up my butt bugging me so I let them use these things and the in turn run the electric bill up. I have tried to get all energy efficient things but the A/C is an older model that isn't very energy efficient. None of the A/C's up here are younger than 5 years because they just fix them and put them back. Management up here doesn't pay for our electric like they do the heat so they don't care if the appliances are energy efficient or not. It's not money out of their pocket so why should they care? Most of the people up here are on some sort of assistance whether it's welfare or social security and we all struggle to pay our electric bills in the summer. I know I have asked over and over to have more energy efficient appliances brought in but I hit a stone wall with management. I know that when my refrigerator goes, and it's on it's way out, not only will I have to pay to replace what ever was in it but they will just repair the fridge and put it back in one of the other apartments. They would rather spend more money to repair something than to replace it for less money. The last management company even fired maintenance supervisor that they had just hired because he had blown their budget buying new appliances even after he showed them in black and white it was cheaper that way.

Another tangent. Well to end today I have the Section 8 appointment at the RCAP office in Worcester this afternoon. I was originally scheduled to go last month in Gardner which is over an hour away and had to wait for them to schedule me in Worcester. That appointment came through 2 weeks ago and I had to scramble to find a ride. On Saturday afternoon I got letter from them saying that now instead of it being at 10:30 in the morning it is now 1:30 in the afternoon. I was so pissed as I had a hard time pinning someone down to take me in the morning and now I had to find someone to take me in the afternoon. I managed, after about 5 phone calls, to find someone to take me but I'm sure whoever comes back to get me is going to have to wait for me to get out. They tell you that it takes anywhere from 2-21/2 hours for the appointment. Sometimes it even goes longer depending on how many people there have to have interpreters there for them. If the person who is heading the meeting has to keep stopping so things can be translated it takes even longer. If I had my way they would have separate meetings for the English speaking people and those who don't speak English as a first language. That would stream line the process and maybe the meetings wouldn't take as long.

Time to fight to get dressed for this meeting so good bye for now.

Budgeting SUCKS

I am on a very fixed income. I am on disability and only get so much a month. It's so far under poverty level I have to look up to see it.

Today I get a call from the company I get magazines through. (By the way, if you get calls from Viking magazines hang up) I got sucked into buying subscriptions through them and last month because the third fell on a Sunday I got paid on Friday and spent the money that I should have saved for that payment. This month they took out last months payment plus this months payment and next month they are taking out the normal payment plus half a payment. That should have made me square with them but today I got a call from "Bobby" saying that the publisher is raising their rates and I did I want to lock in the rate I had. He told me that I would still be paying the $49.99 for another 20 months. I could handle that. He then said that someone else would be calling to confirm this and hung up.

Well a woman called me a few minutes later to go over what I'd be paying and informed me that on top of the $49.99 I'd be paying ANOTHER $49.99 for 8 months. Well I can't afford that and told her that wasn't what I had been told. She then said she was sending it back to whoever decided this stuff and hung up.

A few minutes after that I got another call from Bobby and when I said he didn't tell me about the extra payments he got upset and said he sure enough did but that's not what I heard. Then he tells me he can cut the subscription length and lower the price to $22.50 a month but it would have to start next month. Well I can afford that either. Anyone out there who only gets paid once a month will understand that if you know what your expenses are every month then you have to add in another payment for something then something in your budget has to take the money from somewhere else. In this case it's my food budget that it's coming out of and with a 17 year old eating like a pig (I think he has a hollow leg because he can PACK away the food) and I just can't take more out of what I have to spend on him. In fact this month I don't even have as much as I usually do because I got one check on Friday and spent money I should have used tomorrow on things I shouldn't have. He wanted to start the extra $22.50 next month but they are taking $80.00 already and there is no way I can afford the extra $22.50 on top of that. If it wasn't summer maybe I could but I have a lot of extra bills to pay with my 17 year old here and the extras that come along with that. (food and electric) No matter what I said to him he just wouldn't listen to me that he's taking food out of my kids mouths and finally I got him to agree to hold off on making any extra payments till September. He's going to call me back mid August to talk more about what I'm going to have to pay extra. I'd like to keep getting the magazines for the next 10 years like my contract says I will but I don't want to have to pay extra for what I'm getting. I can't cancel the contract at this point without still having to pay for it so if I have to pay for it I mine as well keep it and get the magazines. I actually enjoy them even if I don't get them when I should. (they usually come to me AFTER they have already hit the news stand and I could pay for them that way) One of them doesn't even come the same week as it should. It's the Star mag and I'm usually running a week behind. I have brought this up with Viking and they say that the publisher has control over when they go out to people who subscribe to the mag and there isn't anything they can do about it. I have subscribed to magazines in the past and always got them sent to me a week before they come out on the news stand. Plus one week I got the next weeks magazine before the current weeks mag so I know that is bull***t.

OK so this just turned into a bitch session. I had to get this off my chest and warn people not to get sucked into something like this. I knew in the back of my mind they would do something like this but I went ahead and re did my contract with them anyway so I only have myself to blame. It just came at the wrong time of the year to up the price I pay. Come September I can pay the extra they want (well maybe not in December) because my oldest won't be staying here full time like he's doing now so my expenses won't be as high. I'm still trying to pay off last summers electric bill and now I'll have the extra expense of this years electric on top of it as well. Suck.

Well let me calm down and cool off. I hope that things get better quickly.

computers and printers

This is my second post of the day. But I need to get this off my chest.

I got a new computer to replace one that went missing on me. I had nothing but problems with it from the time I took it out of the box so today I scheduled it to be taken back to the repair shop to be fixed. I had called Toshiba last week to get what they call a Depot order and was told that I needed to pay $24.99 for shipping before they would have UPS deliver a return box for me. I paid that and it was delivered to me on Tuesday. I packed the computer up and called UPS to have them come back and get the box. I was informed by the UPS person if I wanted to schedule someone to come and get the package I needed to pay and additional $9.28! WTH! It has now cost me over $35.00 to return a computer that didn't cost me anything to have shipped new from Wal-Mart. I don't have to pay to have it shipped back to me because I have already paid that thank goodness. I just hope they fix the problem and when I get it back in 7-10 BUSINESS days it works the way a new computer should. If I spent all that money for something that is a piece of crap I'm going to be real upset.

So that brings me to the business of this computer I'm using now. First of all the R key is missing. Then it must have a virus or something because it's slower than heck. I'm typing away and what I'm typing isn't showing up on the screen when I type it. I'm 4 words ahead of what's showing up. I went back to using my yahoo e-mail account becuse Charter.net wasn't working right anymore. Not that I liked it to start with but I switched to it because at the time Yahoo didn't support one of the programs I needed to open some e-mails. Everytime I tried to open something with flash player it crashed. I'm having that problem again but at least Yahoo has fixed the problem so I can open all my e-mails now. Flash Player still crashes but it doesn't interfer with me opening them.

Another problem with the computer I'm using now is the mouse pad is screwed up. I don't know why but the cursor jumps all over the place. I'll be typing away and move my hand and the cursor jumps back into the text I have just typed. So I have to keep fixing things. If I use an external mouse it doesn't happen but I have no where to put a mouse and mouse pad on my computer stand.

Also with this computer the printer doesn't want to print. I can set something up to print and it won't print till I turn the computer back on after a complete shut down. I have tried to uninstall and reinstall the software but it doesn't help. I even called the company that makes my printer and they say it's a firewall problem. I have tried to do what they say and it doesn't work. So I'm stuck without a printer till I get my new computer back and reinstall software on it. I need to be able to print coupons and I can't. It's going to make shopping harder without the coupons.

I hope I get my computer back fast and it works. Once I get it back I have to figure out how to download my stuff off the cloud drive so I have all my programs and features on the new computer that I had on the old one.

How things used to be

For what seems like a whole week now we have had rain. I know we need the rain but does it have to come every day? Yesterday was nice and it was hot so I guess today being rainy and cool would be a break. It's just Monday, Tuesday and Wendesday it rained most of the day.

My youngest son is at the Cape this week for his vacation with his dad. I hope he didn't have all the rain we had here. I know when I talked to him on Wednesday he said it hadn't rained there on that day but he did have rain on Monday and Tuesday. When you go to the Cape you want to go to the beach and if it's raining you can't go. He did say he went to the beach on Saturday and he said the water was warm. I'm so happy that he gets this chance to go there every year. I know when I was in my teens I had a lot of fun when we went camping down there. Of course when we went we camped in a tent trailer way out on the tip of the Cape so it's different from him staying in the time share mid-cape. I think we had more fun than he has because we made our own fun instead of going to the mall or mini-golf. We rode bikes, went hiking on the dunes and walked through downtown P-Town and watched everyone. We ate meals that we made ourselves on a camp stove or caught in the ocean and cooked. We had campfires and roasted marshmellows  till they were brown. (in my case burned black) We didn't look to our mother to entertain us we made our own fun.

If we wanted to talk to someone on the phone we walked to the campground store to use the pay phone and fed it change to get our call through. There were no cell phones to make calls on. We didn't have video games to take with us because that would mean bringing the TV and it was a big one and not easy to move around. Besides the reason for camping was to get away from all the comforts of home and have fun in the great outdoors. We had fun without the things our kids HAVE to have now a days. I don't think either of my boys could camp the way I did. I don't know because I don't have the opportunity to take them on the adventures I went on. Heck I'm not even sure if they can ride bikes. I learned on a very small 2 wheeler that had been passed down from my Aunt when she was little. I also don't think I can get my older son out of the house never mind out of a  trailer. And if I did get him to go camping I don't think he would camp in a pop up trailer like I did. He'd want a motor home because it has all the comforts of home. Kids today are spoiled and we did it to them. We gave them hand held gaming devices and cell phones. We gave them the X-Box's or Wii's or Play Staions. We spoiled our children into thinking they can't live without these things.

How I wish I could go back in time and say to my mother "Thank you for bringing me to such a wonderful place." I loved camping and wish I could have shared it with my children. It's a shame that they will never know how nice it is to hear the sound of the sea crashing on the beach or the peepers in the marshes at night. Now all they hear is the trucks going up and down the highway. There are times when you can't even hear the birds over the noise from the main street here where I live. I miss these things.

Whateva

Today started out well with me over sleeping so I kind of figured it was going to be "one of those days." Well it turned out it was.

I had to go see the pulmanologist today to have my twice yearly check that I'm compliant with my C-Pap machine. I had one a few years ago and they found me non-compliant and took it away and I fought hard to get it back. Well I got up, had 2 cups of coffee and got dressed in record breaking speed for me and was waiting outside for the cab to come get me. I even called the company to find out if the cab would be one time and they said yes he will be here at 8:45 which was my pick up time. Well after sitting on the steps where I could watch traffic to see the van for 10 minutes (without him showing up) I called the company again and was told the driver would be there to get me in 5 minutes. I had to tell the dispatcher that if the driver was following a GPS's directions it wouldn't bring him to my building and gave him the directions on how to find it. I sat there for another 7 minutes till I say the vehicle that I was told to look for and walked to the parking lot. Of course the driver went right past the entrance to the parking lot and I had to walk up and flag him down when he turned around. Why can't anyone realize that if the building is at the end of a parking lot they need to pull in and drive down towards the end of it. My building faces the main street up here where I live and I am always having to walk to the main street to get in. I don't walk to well and it's uphill to get there which makes it harder.

Well after getting in the cab (12 minutes late) we started up to Worcester. On a good day to get to the doctors it takes 20 minutes so we were going to be late to start with and this doctor tells people to be early so they can fill out paper work and go through the check in process. If one person is late it screws with the whole schedule. I was supposed to be the doctors second patient of the day today. We got almost into Worcester and the driver got a call and the next thing I knew he was getting off the next exit and going back the way we came on a surface road. I asked him what was going on and told him I was going to be late for my appointment and in typical Russian he said don't worry he just had to go a little way to pick up someone. Well after traveling the whole town of Auburn he managed to pick up the person he was sent back to get and guess what? I was late for my appointment. By the time he got me to my doctor's it was 15 minutes after my scheduled time. I decided to see if they would still take me anyway and stood in line to check in. The woman at the front desk was in a really good mood and after I explained that I knew I was late but was at the mercy of the cab company she went to the back to see if they would indeed see me today. When she came back she said they would but I would have to wait a while. I immediatly got on the phone to MART to let them know that 1) The driver was not only late picking me up but turned around when he was almost to my destination to go all the way across town to get someone else and 2) I wouldn't be out at my scheduled time as I was going to have to wait to be seen because of reason 1. The woman I spoke with is someone I have spoken with many times and when she hears my name I think she cringes. They have a complaint line set up for things like this and I use it when ever the cab companies screw my rides up. Some weeks when I have a lot of appointments I end up calling in on every one. Either the cab isn't there when they should be or they don't come back to pick me up. I don't usually call till I have called the company and been told a few times that the cab is on it's way. (Ufomism for we forgot you and I'm scrambling to find someone to get you and no one will be there for half an hour or more) If I'm told the cab is 5 minutes away I wait and as soon as 6 minutes has passed I'm on the phone to MART. Some times I make 3 or 4 phone calls to the complaint department because the cab doesn't show up.

I was told to call the company 5 minutes before the appointment ends and they would send someone right away to get me. Well who of us knows how long your going to be in with the doctor or what the doctor may want you to do after he (or she) sees you. I have waited hours to see a doctor and had him come in and 2 minutes later the appointment is over. I ended up calling the cab when I was waiting in line to check out and got a voice mail so I left a message with my cell number asking them to call me to tell me when the cab would be there to get me. Then I headed down the hall to the bathroom. I got a call back from the dispatcher saying it would be 5-10 minutes before the driver would be there so I headed outside after my bathroom break. There wasn't anywhere to sit outside so I gingerly lowered myself onto the curb to smoke a butt and wait. I also had a book I was reading so I dug that out. Before I finished my cigarette this car came whipping into the parking lot and this guy hangs his head out the window asking if I was waiting for transportation. I noticed on his back window it was the name of the company I was waiting for and said yes but also asked him if he was taking me back to Oxford. He said he was the driver and as I put my butt out  and pulled myself up off the curb (not an easy thing to do for someone who has bad knees and back mind you) he says I didn't have to butt the cigarette as he and the other passenger were smoking as well but I'd have to use the front window to flick the ashes out of.

I had to get in the backseat of this little car and that's not easy either. Thank goodness the driver didn't have the front seat back any further than it was or I never would have been able to get in but I had to get in on the drivers side and that for some reason is hard for me. I don't know if it's because I carry my pocketbook on the right side and the cane on the left and I'm off balance when I try and get in the left side of a car or what. The passenger was someone coming from the methadone clinic so all he was thinking about was getting home and keeping his buzz going so he wasn't going to give up the passengers seat. What a jerk. At least when I told the driver where I lived he knew it and even got off the right exit. The trip home was great but the rest of the day was tainted by what happened first thing in the morning.

I think I will go to bed now and see what happens tomorrow. I'm going to sleep in to 7am and hope it's a better day. Good night all.

Me and smoking

Today, yet again, I am trying to quit smoking. I have been down this road to many times to count and every time I say it's going to work but then I end up smoking again. I'm not going to say I will do this and I am never going to smoke again because I think saying that will set me up for disappointment if for some reason I start again. I always feel real bad that I start again.

I was doing good while I was at my sister's in Ohio then she started getting on my nerves and I bought a pack of cigarettes. I only had 2 a day for a few days then went to see my nephew in Indiana and he smokes so I was smoking more there. When I got home it got totally out of control and I found myself up to a pack a day again. I am on Chantix which helps to cut down the cravings by getting rid of the nicotine receptors in the brain. It makes it easier to do without on days that I don't have any butts but the habit is still there. I find myself wondering what to do with my hands and mouth. There is and oral fixation there that I need to get rid of or I'll end up over 300 lbs before the summer is over.

Now I'm not blaming my nephew for me starting smoking again. I already had the butts on me. He just made it easier to smoke more because he let me smoke in the house and let me smoke as much as I wanted. That was all I needed to smoke. If he had asked me to smoke outside I would have thought twice about if I wanted to go up and down the stairs and probably wouldn't have smoked as much as I did. His stairs are almost vertical and the treads are higher than normal stairs so it would have been harder for me to go up and down them so I think I probably wouldn't have wanted to do them to often. When I was at my sisters she wouldn't let me smoke on her property so I had to walk around the corner to sit on the church steps to smoke or go out in the back and lean on the car to do it. Since I've been home I haven't been out of the house much and definitely haven't gone out to smoke. I have signs on my doors saying this is a smoke free zone and smoking isn't allowed in here but I've been doing it anyway. I almost took the signs down the other day but I didn't. Now I just have to let my friends who smoke know that the signs are true and there won't be any more smoking in here. At least I hope that I can keep this up.

I want to do this very badly and hope and pray that I can do this. It's going to take a lot of will power and I'm not sure if I have it. It's real hard to quit something you have been doing for most of your life. I started smoking when I was 9 years old as a way to get in the "in crowd" in the neighborhood we had just moved into. My mother had remarried just after I turned 9 and moved us from Conniticut to Mass. It was a total shock to me to move from my grandparents house to the house in Ashland. I didn't make friends to easily as it was and one of the ways I thought I'd fit in was to smoke. It seemed that all the kids my age or older were doing it. Heck I even went to the store to buy butts for my step-father so it wasn't to hard to buy some for myself. I couldn't remember sometimes when I went to get myself a pack if it was Winston's or Marlboro's that I liked. So for the first year half the time I didn't get the right ones. It was Marlboro's that I liked and after that first year I started inhaling. I hadn't done that for the first year. After that it was down hill. I stopped doing things that I had liked to do like running and playing sports like hockey. I started isolating more and I also started smoking pot and drinking. When I was messed up on either the drugs or drinking I came out of my shell more and was a totally different person. It seemed like I was looking at myself from the outside. I went real wild especially after my step-father died and my mother kind of turned her back on us kids. I guess you could say I was a wild child but not as bad as one of my sisters. I did things I'm not proud of and still think things would have been better for us kids if our mother wouldn't have married the second time. Of course if she hadn't I wouldn't be the person I am now.

So for 42 years I have been smoking. That's a lot of years and a lot of nicotine receptors. I need to keep taking the Chantix and keep trying every day not to light up. For right now I need to get the ashtray out from under the couch and empty it, wash it and put it away so I'm not tempted to light up in the house if I do have a slip. And I know I will have slips, I just have to get passed them and keep reminding myself that I can do this. I don't want to end up with lung cancer or some other form of cancer even though the odds are against me that I won't end up with some form of cancer. I just have to work hard and am going to ask people who read this to pray that I can do it. Thank you.