Bad days

I haven't talked much about my problems with my health and today I'm going to do that.
I have a lot of health problems including Fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, bi-polar disorder, severe depression among other things. This week has been one of those weeks where I just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there till I felt better.

I haven't done that though. I go to bed at the same time every evening, set my alarm and get up at the same time in the morning and fight every day to stay out of bed during the day. Yesterday morning I was up at 4am and I stayed up till 10 last night just to keep to my schedule. Schedules are very important to someone who has the problems like I do. I did try to take a nap but found I couldn't go go sleep when I went in to lay down. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was afraid if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up till this morning.

I have had a few med changes in the last month and I think they are working better than what I had been on. Lord knows I'm more awake earlier in the day and can stay awake during the day. My pain level has been lower but no where near where I want it to be. The pain level that I have may have something to do with the depression. I read somewhere where depression makes pain levels higher. I do believe that is true. I have been feeling so badly that the last time I got dressed was Sunday when I went to church. I am sitting here in the PJ's that I put on Sunday evening and don't care what I look like to smell like. I haven't had anyone over and I'm liking it like that right now.

I did make an afghan for my upstairs neighbor out of extra granny squares that I had made and he was grateful for that. He is in a wheelchair due to a wrestling accident he had 20 years ago and his legs get real cold this time of year when he's out and about. I thought that he needed something to help keep his lap warm and had all these extra squares so in a day I put together an afghan for him. I did take it up to him last night and he loved it. I'm glad I could do that for him. I had a bunch of purple squares left over and made a baby afghan for a woman at church, which I took with me when I went last Sunday, for her new baby. I love doing things like that. I have a bunch of squares left over that I'm going to put together into an afghan for the back of my couch. That is as soon as I get the energy for it. Today I don't have any.

I was supposed to start going to the Senior Center today but I don't feel like going. I not only don't want to take a shower in order to get dressed but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and just generally feel like crap. That is the depression talking today. I'm going to call COA and try to set something for Monday after my Home Health Aide leaves for the day. I do want to start going there to socialize with other people. I may turn out to be the youngest one there but at least I'm getting out of the house and talking with people who are on my intellectual level. I don't feel the program I belong to has enough people who are high functioning for me to go and do groups with. Besides that program is all the way in Southbridge and I wouldn't be able to come and go as I please like I can at the Senior Center. The senior center also offers trips to the grocery store, Walmart and hair dressers as well as a meal during the day and other activities. I really want to go to the needle crafters group.

Please pray that I feel better and this depression lifts soon. I hate feeling this way and know that some of it is the time of year. The days are so short the lack of sunlight has a big effect on me. I need to invest in a sun lamp but don't have the money for it right now. I hope that soon things will be back to normal and I can start getting back out and doing things. Sitting here watching TV all day doesn't do me any good.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Children

This morning I got a very nice surprise. One of my boys called me out of the blue. I talk to both of them several times a week but neither one of them are the one to make the call. It's me who calls them so to have one of them call me was, to say the least, shocking. And wonderful. Neither one has school today as it's the day before the holiday but I didn't expect either one to be up this early. I'm up every morning at 6:30 to keep to my schedule. If I didn't get up at that time I'd end up sleeping the whole day away.

I started this blog earlier this morning but the power went out for a while and I lost everything I had written so I had to start all over from the beginning. I thought it would save it when I lost the Internet connection but it didn't for some reason.

Well I have a lot to do today in order to get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm going to make the sweet potato casserole today and put it in the fridge till I need to cook it tomorrow. I have gone the easy route this year by getting box stuffing and frozen pies. Last year I had made a pumpkin pie and it turned out absolutely dreadful so I decided this year I'd buy one instead. I'm not sure what I did, besides leaving out the molasses that made it so bad but even the dog wouldn't eat it. (that's a saying in my family. I don't really have a dog.)

Because of the power outage I'm now watching The Three Musketeers for the third time from the beginning. I suppose I could fast forward to where it went off but because I'm on the computer as well as watching TV I've missed some of it so to play it from the beginning means maybe this time I'll see what I missed.

Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Don't eat to much and don't stress to badly. I do wish my sister from Ohio was going to be up this way because as it stands now she will be alone for Thanksgiving. I try every year to have a dinner for people who have no other place to go and this year it would have been nice to have her here. I am having a friend from the complex who doesn't have anywhere else to go here for dinner. It's nice to share what I have with others. I love helping others.

Thanksgiving

Well we are 3 days away from Thanksgiving and I'm still trying to find out if a friend of mine will be coming to share dinner with me. I had invited a few people and got a conformation that one of those people will be coming, so if my other friend doesn't show up that means there will be.........................2 for dinner. I got a 20 lb bird (don't ask me why) so that's a lot of turkey to eat. I actually think I'm going to go get just a turkey breast to make for dinner instead of cooking the big bird. I already printed out the cooking time for it. I just need to make the fixings to go with a smaller bird. I'm cheaping out this year and making frozen pies instead of making them from scratch and making a box stuffing as well.

It's been a little bit since I have written anything and for those of you who might read this I'm sorry. (I know no one does read it, it's more of an online diary than a blog) I have had a few changes in my medications in the past month and a half. One of them is the med I take to stay awake and now it's working instead of me falling asleep after I take it. I am also taking something new for the Fibromyalga as well and that's working better than the last 2 meds I was on for it as well. I thought I might have to go into the hospital to do a med change or to stop some of the meds I take but both of my doctors seem to think I don't need to do that. I am decreasing the mgs of some of the ones I take so I'm not going to feel so drugged up. (at least that's what the plan is) I hate feeling like I'm sleep walking through the day. I also hate that I have to take something to make me feel awake but when you take as many medications as I do it's a side effect that can't be helped. I take 15 pills in the morning, 3 in the early afternoon and 12 at bedtime. That's a lot of stuff to be taking but I have found that I need every pill I take. One of my sisters thinks I take to many medications but she takes just as many as I do AND she takes narcotics which I don't. I took myself off those about a year ago. I found they really didn't work to well anyway. They really didn't take the pain away, they only made it so I didn't really care that I was in pain. That's not anyway to live.

So next is Christmas and I'm not looking forward to that either. I don't do well through the holidays because of the lack of sunlight and would probably like them better if they happened in the summer. Maybe, maybe not. I just don't like spending money on things that I can get any other time of the year. I've been getting the boys gifts and telling them that they are for Christmas so come Christmas day there won't be anything for them to unwrap here. Not that I'm going to see either one of them on Christmas day anyway. Maybe that's why I hate the holidays, because I'm alone on them. Having family around does make them better and when the kids aren't here for them it just makes me sadder.

I hope everyone out there has a great Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas just in case I don't write before then.