Monday is here. And I hate it. I keep wishing that the weekend would last longer but when I get up on Monday mornings it's over.
I went to bed an hour earlier last night than I usually do. I took my meds and they hit me like a ton of bricks earlier than they usually do. I don't think I was in bed for more than 5 minutes before I passed out. I did wake up once and the only reason I did was I was in so much pain from rolling onto my back it woke me up. It took me almost 5 minutes of maneuvering to get myself into a position that didn't hurt. Sometimes I wish I had a hand rail on the side of my bed to grab to help me roll over. I have a night stand but it's lower than the bed so it's no help.
I head up to Gardner this morning for my intake for Section 8. This is something I applied for 8 years ago before I got in here where I am. Yes it does take that long before your name comes to the top of the list. Crazy isn't it. It seems there is more of a need than there are the Section 8's. Of course if they'd weed out the people who are abusing them there would be more available. There are a lot of people out there that play the system very well. I want to get out of this place I live so badly I can taste it but I can't find a place that subsidies. The only way for me to move is to get the Section 8. So I may have to live here for another year but I hope that after that I can move where ever I want. Look out Texas here I come. (not really. I have to wait for Andrew to graduate from high school first)
My home health aide should be here any minute and today she is on a short schedule. She's supposed to be here for 3 hours but it will probably be only an hour and a half. That's because of me having to go to Gardner. I have a lot for her to get done so I hope there is time for it all. There are a lot of dishes to do and the carpets need to be vacuumed. If she gets that done as well as going to the store for butts for me I'll be happy. I know I'm not supposed to be smoking but I'm stressed so what can I say? I hope by Friday I have stopped the cigarettes again. I've been taking Chantix and I did stop smoking for almost 6 months on it. I just had a lot of things happen that stressed me and I started again. Even though smoking stresses me I still do it. The boys are all over me to stop but both of their fathers smoke. Why am I the one they get on? I have to really dig down deep and tell myself I can do it and stick with it. When I get stressed I have to find something else to do with my hands and mouth. I have tried to crochet and in the past month I've made about 125 granny squares for an afgan I want to make for my other best friend Rich. I have to get some black yarn and maybe some baby blue to go with the lilac and deep purple for it. It will give me something to do while I'm at my sister's. (I hope)
Monica, my home health aide has gone to the store so I think I'm going to try and help her out with the dishes by emptying the crock pot for her and soaking it. I know I can't wash anything but I can at least get rid of the old stuff and put away the dishes.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Starting everything
Just today I read 2 blogs by my niece and a wonderful woman I know at church. It inspired me to start one of my own.
To start with I am a 51(almost) year old woman living in a dinky one bedroom apartment with my children on the weekends and 2 cats all the time. And most evenings one of my best friends Mike. When I asked him tonight if I should write my own blog he told me go for it so here I am.
My birthday is coming up in 6 days and I'm going on a trip to see my year younger sister in Ohio. She has to have surgery and I opened my mouth and said I'd come out to take care of her while she's recuperating. I really want to do this for her but it's caused me a lot of stress just thinking about it. I have to tell you first that I am Bi-Polor and have massive anxiety. I have also developed a mild case of agoraphobia in the past 2 years after having a car accident that kept me in my second floor apartment because I couldn't climb the stairs. I eventually ended up moving to a first floor apartment but still didn't get out.
I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but she wants me to follow a lot of rules when I'm out there. Like NO TV during the day. NO downloading programs that I watch at home and can watch on the internet as she can only download a certain about of stuff. (don't understand that unless she has a wireless card from her mobile phone company) and I have to exercise.
First of all I spend most of my day in front of the TV. I live for my DVR'ed programs. I hate commercials and don't watch anything live unless it's on one of the premium channels that doesn't have commercials except at the end of the programs that I can just turn off. I don't think I have enough room on the DVR disc to record everything I want for the month and wanted to watch a lot of my programs while I was out visiting my sister. I didn't think she would mind as the last time I was out there I spent a lot of time reading while she was taking naps or just ignoring the fact that both my oldest son and I were there. I know she was under a lot of stress and was working a little at that time but felt she could have spent a little more time with us. Of course it was 3 or 4 years ago and a lot has happened since then.
I don't exercise because of a severe back problem. I have bulging discs and it puts a lot of pressure on the nerves in my legs so after walking for a very short time I end up not being able to move. Then when I get to where I can sit my back spasms. I'm on medication for the pain and a muscle relaxer but sometimes they just don't work. I'm afraid that once I get out there she won't let me rest. She also said said she was going to enroll me in a SENIORS exercise program. I'm not old enough for that I feel. It probably wouldn't hurt me to do it but seriously SENIORS? Get me in a pool and I'm fine. I was doing water PT but had to stop because I had surgery back in February and still haven't healed all the way. Then I started doing what they called Land PT and got vertigo and had to stop that. A lot of bad things the end of the winter. I do plan on starting water PT again and then go to after care (at an extra cost of $185.00 for unlimited use) when I can.
I'm actually hoping that when I get out to my sisters I can lose weight and get healthy by doing what she wants me to. The problem is getting out there. I have appointments all this week and I leave on Friday. On Monday I have to go see about getting a Section 8 50 miles from my home. I had to change an appointment with my PCP that I already had to another day. On Tuesday I have 2 appointments. One in the morning and one in the afternoon. I'm hoping that the transportation the state had set up for me shows up on time to pick me but and bring me home but I'm not holding my breath. On Wednesday my home health aide comes then in the afternoon I have a doctors appointment and on Thursday I have to go shopping for taxable. Oh ya, I have to start packing to see if I need to get a bigger suitcase before Thursday. I have a lot of things to take with me that aren't cloths like my C-Pap machine, my med box and pillow. Then there is the Nook, computer (which I'm going back an forth about bringing) test kit for blood sugar and a bag of food stuff for on the train. I can check 2 bags through and carry on 2 including my pocketbook. Lots of stuff to figure out what I"m bringing. My sister has already said not to bring to much cloths as she has a lot to get rid of and wants me to make some while I'm out there. (another stresser as me and sewing machines don't really get along) I'm going to give it a try though.
Mike has graciously said he would move into my apartment to watch the cats and take care of the one plant I have left. He's also said my oldest son could come and stay on weekends. My youngest son I won't get visitation with till I get back. (2 different dads so different visitation decrees) I'm hoping that I come back to a half way clean house as the home health agency is discharging me on Wednesday and won't put the paper work to readmit me till I'm home so there won't be anyone coming in to do what needs to be done for 3 weeks after I get home. I can't run the vacuum and do the dishes so I'm afraid of what I"ll find. I trust Mike but my son I know is a slop.
I'll write more as the week goes on then if I take my computer with me I'll write while I'm at my sisters.
All in all I need a lot of luck and prayers.
Thanks
To start with I am a 51(almost) year old woman living in a dinky one bedroom apartment with my children on the weekends and 2 cats all the time. And most evenings one of my best friends Mike. When I asked him tonight if I should write my own blog he told me go for it so here I am.
My birthday is coming up in 6 days and I'm going on a trip to see my year younger sister in Ohio. She has to have surgery and I opened my mouth and said I'd come out to take care of her while she's recuperating. I really want to do this for her but it's caused me a lot of stress just thinking about it. I have to tell you first that I am Bi-Polor and have massive anxiety. I have also developed a mild case of agoraphobia in the past 2 years after having a car accident that kept me in my second floor apartment because I couldn't climb the stairs. I eventually ended up moving to a first floor apartment but still didn't get out.
I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but she wants me to follow a lot of rules when I'm out there. Like NO TV during the day. NO downloading programs that I watch at home and can watch on the internet as she can only download a certain about of stuff. (don't understand that unless she has a wireless card from her mobile phone company) and I have to exercise.
First of all I spend most of my day in front of the TV. I live for my DVR'ed programs. I hate commercials and don't watch anything live unless it's on one of the premium channels that doesn't have commercials except at the end of the programs that I can just turn off. I don't think I have enough room on the DVR disc to record everything I want for the month and wanted to watch a lot of my programs while I was out visiting my sister. I didn't think she would mind as the last time I was out there I spent a lot of time reading while she was taking naps or just ignoring the fact that both my oldest son and I were there. I know she was under a lot of stress and was working a little at that time but felt she could have spent a little more time with us. Of course it was 3 or 4 years ago and a lot has happened since then.
I don't exercise because of a severe back problem. I have bulging discs and it puts a lot of pressure on the nerves in my legs so after walking for a very short time I end up not being able to move. Then when I get to where I can sit my back spasms. I'm on medication for the pain and a muscle relaxer but sometimes they just don't work. I'm afraid that once I get out there she won't let me rest. She also said said she was going to enroll me in a SENIORS exercise program. I'm not old enough for that I feel. It probably wouldn't hurt me to do it but seriously SENIORS? Get me in a pool and I'm fine. I was doing water PT but had to stop because I had surgery back in February and still haven't healed all the way. Then I started doing what they called Land PT and got vertigo and had to stop that. A lot of bad things the end of the winter. I do plan on starting water PT again and then go to after care (at an extra cost of $185.00 for unlimited use) when I can.
I'm actually hoping that when I get out to my sisters I can lose weight and get healthy by doing what she wants me to. The problem is getting out there. I have appointments all this week and I leave on Friday. On Monday I have to go see about getting a Section 8 50 miles from my home. I had to change an appointment with my PCP that I already had to another day. On Tuesday I have 2 appointments. One in the morning and one in the afternoon. I'm hoping that the transportation the state had set up for me shows up on time to pick me but and bring me home but I'm not holding my breath. On Wednesday my home health aide comes then in the afternoon I have a doctors appointment and on Thursday I have to go shopping for taxable. Oh ya, I have to start packing to see if I need to get a bigger suitcase before Thursday. I have a lot of things to take with me that aren't cloths like my C-Pap machine, my med box and pillow. Then there is the Nook, computer (which I'm going back an forth about bringing) test kit for blood sugar and a bag of food stuff for on the train. I can check 2 bags through and carry on 2 including my pocketbook. Lots of stuff to figure out what I"m bringing. My sister has already said not to bring to much cloths as she has a lot to get rid of and wants me to make some while I'm out there. (another stresser as me and sewing machines don't really get along) I'm going to give it a try though.
Mike has graciously said he would move into my apartment to watch the cats and take care of the one plant I have left. He's also said my oldest son could come and stay on weekends. My youngest son I won't get visitation with till I get back. (2 different dads so different visitation decrees) I'm hoping that I come back to a half way clean house as the home health agency is discharging me on Wednesday and won't put the paper work to readmit me till I'm home so there won't be anyone coming in to do what needs to be done for 3 weeks after I get home. I can't run the vacuum and do the dishes so I'm afraid of what I"ll find. I trust Mike but my son I know is a slop.
I'll write more as the week goes on then if I take my computer with me I'll write while I'm at my sisters.
All in all I need a lot of luck and prayers.
Thanks
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