I was on the train home yesterday when I got a call from my sister in Ohio that our Dad had died. I don't know what to think right now because I'm totally numb and it hasn't sunk in yet. I have cried a few times today about it but it truly hasn't sunk in that I won't be able to pick the phone up and call him. What's making it worse is right now my brother is using his phone because he drowned his phone. (no offense Bro) So I can still call my dad's number but my brother is on the other end. I love my brother but it's not the same as calling my Dad. I'm going to miss him so much when all this sinks in. He always had this way of making me laugh when I didn't really want to. It was a challenge at times though to hear what he had to say as the connection wasn't always that great.
I know in my heart he is at peace and he won't hurt anymore. He had stage 4 lung cancer so now he doesn't have to worry about that. In the end the Chemo had given him Congested heart failure. That was a side effect of the type of Chemo that he was given. Who figures that something that's supposed to heal you will kill you. Now I know it probably wasn't the Chemo that killed him but it didn't help.
I talked to my oldest sister today. She had already set up for compassionate family leave where she works and had tickets to fly back to Texas on Sunday. She is still going although now it's to take care of my Dads last wishes instead of our Dad. I haven't talked to this sister since last year around this time. Not by choice mind you, I just didn't have her number and didn't do much to find out what it was. My number has changed so many times in the past few years that she wasn't current with mine. In my defense I have had the same number for the past 2 years but she didn't have it. Also the number isn't under my name so it's hard to find me in the phone book.
I talked to my brother and he told me when he called my cousins up in Waco they said there was a big thunder storm going on at that time. That would be my Dad making an entrance into Heaven. He always said he'd make a big splash when he went there. And I truly feel that's where he went. He was a good man and deserved to go there.
One of the things that my Dad told me over and over (now this may sound gross but it was the way my Dad was) when he died he wanted to be cremated and put in a douche and have another go round. Now if you knew my Dad's sense of humor it would make sense. He was a very funny man without trying. He made me laugh all the time and he NEVER and I mean NEVER wanted anyone to cry for him. Lord knows I will when it finally sinks in fully. I have cried some today but in the next few days I fully expect to do a lot more.
I have been sitting here all day thinking of a way to let my boys know that their Grandfather has passed. I'm not sure how to do it but by (like ripping of a band-aid) straight out. I'm not sure how they will take it. The younger on only met him for a very short period of time when he was out her for one of my nieces marrige and I think that the older one actually got to spend a little more time with him. I was always telling them that when they both graduated from High School I was going to move with them to be near my Dad. I had big plans for that. Now I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing in 5 or 6 years or where I'll be living. I'm still thinking of moving to Texas just to be near my family on my Dad's side. I don't know them at all and would love to meet them and learn more about that side of the family.
So that brings me back to my Dad's death. It was quick and the way he wanted. He went at home in his bed. Of course the EMT's had to try to bring him back because he didn't have a home DNR but when he got to the hospital my brother let him know that it was fine for him to go and he went in peace without a lot of stuff being done to him. It just hard to think that he is gone.
It will take me a few days to process all that has happened in the last 24 hours but when I do I'm not going to let it depress me. I have to go on with my life and live for my children. I know in my heart that Dad is happy and at peace.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
How sick is sick?
I'm sick today and have been since, I'm pretty sure, Saturday. I was feeling so crappy yesterday all I wanted to do was sleep but I had forgotten to bring all my meds with me and didn't have any to take last night or this morning which is making me feel even sicker. I know I'm running a fever and my insides want to come out. My stomach and intestines are all knotted up. I am so sick I can't even drive myself back to my sisters and she's coming to get me. She's bringing my med box (which looks like a big tool box) with her and I'm hoping once I get the meds in me will make me feel somewhat better but I'm not banking on it. Lord do I wish I was dead today. Oh yeah, because I didn't have any night time med's to take last night I only got about 3 hours worth of sleep so that's making me feel pretty bad as well. I brought this on myself by not packing an extra day's worth of medication but hey live and learn. I don't know what I was thinking by not making sure I had enough medications with me but in my defense I had thought I was going back to my sisters yesterday. I got up yesterday and wasn't feeling that great so I decided to stay another day. Stupid on my part thinking I was going to start feeling better without my medications.
Just so you have an idea of what I mean by medications, I have a toolbox full of them and supplements. I take Calcium, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. In the morning I take 4 supplements and 11 other pills. Now some of them I take 2 of the same kind so it's really about 13 different things I take in the morning. I take 4 in the afternoon and at night I take 12 but again I take 2 of one of them. So you can see I take a lot of different medications. In the afternoon I take a supplement and then the other 3 I take are all ones I take in the morning. Sucks for me to have to take all of them but if I don't I don't function very well. I have to take pills for pain and to keep me awake and then at night I have to take meds to make me sleep. I have narcolepsy and chronic insomnia. Again sucks for me. I also have sleep apnea so I have to use a C-Pap machine at night, which I didn't use last night because I was hot and felt like crap and couldn't get comfortable on the couch here at my nephews. It was deathly hot here yesterday and I just couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did. Again sucks for me.
So here I sit waiting for my sister to drive 3 hours up here to get me to take me back to her house and I guess were going to leave the Saturn here as I don't think I can drive it back. In fact I think I'm going to have my sister drive the back roads home so in case I need to make a pit stop there MIGHT be somewhere where we can stop. If I remember from the way up here there isn't much to stop at but if I need to stop we can always pull to the side of the road and I can go there. On the interstate I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm starting to think maybe I'll just crawl in the back seat of my sister's car and sleep the whole way home.
I hope I feel better quick and may be doing that as my sister always has pepto in her car. I leave late tomorrow night (actually early Wednesday morning) to make my way back to MA and don't want to feel this way on the train. That would really suck for me. So let's pray it's only me being medication sick and after I take my med's I'll feel better and can get on with my day. I'm still going to go back to bed when I get back to my sisters because I'm so freaking tired it's not funny. If I have to I'm pretty sure I can drive myself back to my sister with a whole bunch of coffee or Iced Tea. I'll have to see if my sister can pick up some of that on her way in here because the only McDonald's between here and the state line is all the way down Interstate 69. Wish me luck.
Just so you have an idea of what I mean by medications, I have a toolbox full of them and supplements. I take Calcium, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. In the morning I take 4 supplements and 11 other pills. Now some of them I take 2 of the same kind so it's really about 13 different things I take in the morning. I take 4 in the afternoon and at night I take 12 but again I take 2 of one of them. So you can see I take a lot of different medications. In the afternoon I take a supplement and then the other 3 I take are all ones I take in the morning. Sucks for me to have to take all of them but if I don't I don't function very well. I have to take pills for pain and to keep me awake and then at night I have to take meds to make me sleep. I have narcolepsy and chronic insomnia. Again sucks for me. I also have sleep apnea so I have to use a C-Pap machine at night, which I didn't use last night because I was hot and felt like crap and couldn't get comfortable on the couch here at my nephews. It was deathly hot here yesterday and I just couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did. Again sucks for me.
So here I sit waiting for my sister to drive 3 hours up here to get me to take me back to her house and I guess were going to leave the Saturn here as I don't think I can drive it back. In fact I think I'm going to have my sister drive the back roads home so in case I need to make a pit stop there MIGHT be somewhere where we can stop. If I remember from the way up here there isn't much to stop at but if I need to stop we can always pull to the side of the road and I can go there. On the interstate I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm starting to think maybe I'll just crawl in the back seat of my sister's car and sleep the whole way home.
I hope I feel better quick and may be doing that as my sister always has pepto in her car. I leave late tomorrow night (actually early Wednesday morning) to make my way back to MA and don't want to feel this way on the train. That would really suck for me. So let's pray it's only me being medication sick and after I take my med's I'll feel better and can get on with my day. I'm still going to go back to bed when I get back to my sisters because I'm so freaking tired it's not funny. If I have to I'm pretty sure I can drive myself back to my sister with a whole bunch of coffee or Iced Tea. I'll have to see if my sister can pick up some of that on her way in here because the only McDonald's between here and the state line is all the way down Interstate 69. Wish me luck.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Memorial weekend
My sister decided that I needed to go see my nephew in Indiana and I had better do it this weekend as I'm going home on Wednesday. Sooooo I took my brother-in-laws junker Saturn and drove up here. It's between a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive depending on weither or not you go the highway all the way or take Route 6 (which by the way I found out runs from the tip of the Cape all the way to California. Thanks for telling me that sis) Once you get into Indiana you get on Interstate 69 and get off in Angola, IN onto route 20 and it's about 22 miles from there to my nephews. It was a wonderful trip but the whole way I was praying "Lord let this car make it to Shawn's and back. PLEASE." The car isn't bad for a little POS but it does need some front end work as when you hit the brakes the front end shimmy's real bad. It's a standard so for the most part you can slow down just by letting off the gas and down shifting so you only need the brakes when you have to stop completely. So here I am.
It's been an eventful week. Getting yelled at (OK maybe not yelled just talked to sternly) really puts a damper on moods. I know my sister probably isn't aware of how she talks to people but it's kind of putting people down most of the time. Like she doesn't put her pants on the same way I do. Bull. I have kind of come to expect it from her and in a way that is why I only talk to her on the phone and try not to see her but a couple times a year. Don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart but there only so long you can be told your not doing things the way they should be done before you crack and start saying F*** you. I am able to listen to her and ignore most of what she says but I sit an sheath in silence. I don't do a lot of talking most of the time anyway so it's not a stretch to stay silent. I read a lot when I'm around her as well as I can lose myself in where ever the story is set and feel like I'm someone actually in the book. It's a way of getting away from her putting me down. On her part she does say she's sorry after the fact but at the time it hurts. Sis, if your reading this I think I've said all this to you.
It's not been a great morning this morning. Something I have eaten or drank isn't sitting well and I have been in and out of the bathroom at least half a dozen times and that's since my nephew and his girlfriend went to bed. (They work nights so they are sleeping now while I played catch up on e-mails and wrote here) I hope that I don't disturb them to much. Their cat must be wondering what the heck is going on with me. I think it may be the coffee that's doing it so what did I do? Get another cup. Stupid I know but I've never been accused of having to much between the ears. Every once in a while though I surprise everyone and do something smart. Like having my boys. Maybe not the right time to have them but it was smart of me to have them. They are very smart so they had to get some of that from me. Anyhow, my insides don't feel to good this morning and I think maybe I go camp out in the bathroom so I don't have to keep doing the up and down so much till things quiet down. I just don't want to wake up my nephew and his girlfriend. (Who by the way is an absolute sweety compared to his ex-wife ((When did he get old enough to get married?)) who was a nightmare) I wouldn't want someone waking me up every 10-15 minutes flushing but I don't want to not flush in case one of them gets up. So I'm going to sit here, watch TV (Yeah) and wait for my insides to calm down then I'm going to go to Wal-Mart when it starts getting real hot. It's supposed to be hot and I mean real hot the next couple of days and even though I don't mind the heat I draw the line at anything over 80-85 and if it's humid then I really don't do well. My nephew said he's going to put the AC in later today so if it does get hot then I won't mind it to much if I'm in the AC. Let's see how the rest of the day goes.
My nephew lives near an Amish community so yesterday after I got here, last night and this morning I've been hearing the buggies go by. I was surprised that I heard them as late as I did last night but not surprised I heard them as early as I did this morning. I may take a ride and see if I can find an Amish restaurant and store to see about getting some stuff to take home.
I can't wait to get home. Wednesday won't come fast enough.
It's been an eventful week. Getting yelled at (OK maybe not yelled just talked to sternly) really puts a damper on moods. I know my sister probably isn't aware of how she talks to people but it's kind of putting people down most of the time. Like she doesn't put her pants on the same way I do. Bull. I have kind of come to expect it from her and in a way that is why I only talk to her on the phone and try not to see her but a couple times a year. Don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart but there only so long you can be told your not doing things the way they should be done before you crack and start saying F*** you. I am able to listen to her and ignore most of what she says but I sit an sheath in silence. I don't do a lot of talking most of the time anyway so it's not a stretch to stay silent. I read a lot when I'm around her as well as I can lose myself in where ever the story is set and feel like I'm someone actually in the book. It's a way of getting away from her putting me down. On her part she does say she's sorry after the fact but at the time it hurts. Sis, if your reading this I think I've said all this to you.
It's not been a great morning this morning. Something I have eaten or drank isn't sitting well and I have been in and out of the bathroom at least half a dozen times and that's since my nephew and his girlfriend went to bed. (They work nights so they are sleeping now while I played catch up on e-mails and wrote here) I hope that I don't disturb them to much. Their cat must be wondering what the heck is going on with me. I think it may be the coffee that's doing it so what did I do? Get another cup. Stupid I know but I've never been accused of having to much between the ears. Every once in a while though I surprise everyone and do something smart. Like having my boys. Maybe not the right time to have them but it was smart of me to have them. They are very smart so they had to get some of that from me. Anyhow, my insides don't feel to good this morning and I think maybe I go camp out in the bathroom so I don't have to keep doing the up and down so much till things quiet down. I just don't want to wake up my nephew and his girlfriend. (Who by the way is an absolute sweety compared to his ex-wife ((When did he get old enough to get married?)) who was a nightmare) I wouldn't want someone waking me up every 10-15 minutes flushing but I don't want to not flush in case one of them gets up. So I'm going to sit here, watch TV (Yeah) and wait for my insides to calm down then I'm going to go to Wal-Mart when it starts getting real hot. It's supposed to be hot and I mean real hot the next couple of days and even though I don't mind the heat I draw the line at anything over 80-85 and if it's humid then I really don't do well. My nephew said he's going to put the AC in later today so if it does get hot then I won't mind it to much if I'm in the AC. Let's see how the rest of the day goes.
My nephew lives near an Amish community so yesterday after I got here, last night and this morning I've been hearing the buggies go by. I was surprised that I heard them as late as I did last night but not surprised I heard them as early as I did this morning. I may take a ride and see if I can find an Amish restaurant and store to see about getting some stuff to take home.
I can't wait to get home. Wednesday won't come fast enough.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Thursday morning
As my title says it's Thursday morning. I didn't sleep well for the third night in a row and I think it's because of the C-Pap machine. It's making funny noises then my sister's cats attack my face mask. One of the cats likes to sleep with me but when I wake up in the morning they are both with me. I think because I get up before my sister they think I am going to feed them. They have all the dry food they need in their dishes and don't get wet food so I don't know what they are looking for. My sister, when she decides to get up, will give them a little milk on a plate so they don't bother her while she is eating her cereal in the morning, but all I have is my coffee and so I don't give them anything. They are cute cats but get into everything. If you don't watch them they will even try to take things off your plate while your eating. I had this happen a couple of times while I was having lunch alone. I don't think they try to do it to my sister and they defiantly won't do it while we are having dinner with my sister's husband. I think they are on their best behavior when he's home. I may try to sneak one of them home with me if my sister doesn't look through my bags to carefully. I'm in love with Charlotte, she's the one who sleep part of the night with me.
I haven't spent much time on the computer while I've been here. First of all is the problem of where to plug it in. Most of the outlets in my sister's house are not grounded so there aren't many 3 prong outlets. Only in the kitchen so when I plug in there I have to make sure no one wants to use that outlet during the day. I had my computer on the island but my sister made me move it yesterday. She says it's in her way. There are a lot of things on the island so I don't know how one more can be in her way but it's her house and I moved it. I'm not used to so much room at home and I have things in a certain place and that's where they stay. Here there is a lot of places for things and a lot more room. It's funny because it seems like the more space there is the more I trip over something. Guess that's because there more stuff than at home. It is nice to have enough cabinet space to put all the kitchen stuff in here. I wish I had this much space in my kitchen. She even has a TABLE in her kitchen instead of in the main living space. I'd really like to have a space to put my table instead of right next to the couch. It would be nice not to trip over chairs when I walk into the apartment and be able to carry groceries all the way to the kitchen in the grocery cart instead of having to unload it in the hall way because the cart won't fit between the table and the computer desk or around the water cooler. Hopefully I'll hear from RCAP soon and can move to a 2 bedroom apartment soon. If I get one at Orchard Hill I'll even have a dishwasher and a much bigger kitchen which would be so much nicer than what I have now.
I miss everyone at home and the cats most of all. I'm grateful to my friend Mike for taking care of them. TJ has been at the house the past 2 weekends which I'm sure the cats liked. I keep telling Mike he can sleep in my bed while I'm gone so he doesn't have to go home but he won't do it. I'm willing to bet Dumkupf hasn't moved off my side of the bed except to go in the living room to eat. He loves to sleep on my bed and he just loves the Egyptian Cotton sheets, which I'm pretty sure TJ has left exposed by not making the bed. I'm thinking now that maybe I didn't make the bed before I left so Dumkupf was probably sleeping on them before TJ got there anyway. One of the first things I'll have to do when I get home is wash the sheets. I get in in the evening of the 30th and may not want to do it that night but first thing in the morning I'll have them in the washer then back on the bed.
I don't know why but my sister's house is always cold. I froze my butt off on the train out here and haven't been able to get warm since. I have tried heating pads and blankets but still can't seem to get my whole body warm. I can get parts of it warm but not every part at the same time. Like now, the upper part is fine but my feet feel like 2 blocks of ice. Later my feet will be warm but my upper body will be freezing. Don't know why but that's the way it's been since I got here. I'm going to go outside and see if I can warm up that way. Some days it's actually warming outside than it is in her house so I either go out there or open a window to get some of the warm air in. The cats like it but sometimes my sister doesn't and goes around closing the windows I've opened. She does spend a lot of time outside even though she's not supposed to be doing a lot of the things she has been doing. Like planting flowers and stuff. She is pushing herself way to much way to soon. I hope it doesn't hurt her healing process. I don't want her to tear her stitches out and end up back in the hospital. That would suck for her.
Well I need to get going and do something even if it's wrong. Later
I haven't spent much time on the computer while I've been here. First of all is the problem of where to plug it in. Most of the outlets in my sister's house are not grounded so there aren't many 3 prong outlets. Only in the kitchen so when I plug in there I have to make sure no one wants to use that outlet during the day. I had my computer on the island but my sister made me move it yesterday. She says it's in her way. There are a lot of things on the island so I don't know how one more can be in her way but it's her house and I moved it. I'm not used to so much room at home and I have things in a certain place and that's where they stay. Here there is a lot of places for things and a lot more room. It's funny because it seems like the more space there is the more I trip over something. Guess that's because there more stuff than at home. It is nice to have enough cabinet space to put all the kitchen stuff in here. I wish I had this much space in my kitchen. She even has a TABLE in her kitchen instead of in the main living space. I'd really like to have a space to put my table instead of right next to the couch. It would be nice not to trip over chairs when I walk into the apartment and be able to carry groceries all the way to the kitchen in the grocery cart instead of having to unload it in the hall way because the cart won't fit between the table and the computer desk or around the water cooler. Hopefully I'll hear from RCAP soon and can move to a 2 bedroom apartment soon. If I get one at Orchard Hill I'll even have a dishwasher and a much bigger kitchen which would be so much nicer than what I have now.
I miss everyone at home and the cats most of all. I'm grateful to my friend Mike for taking care of them. TJ has been at the house the past 2 weekends which I'm sure the cats liked. I keep telling Mike he can sleep in my bed while I'm gone so he doesn't have to go home but he won't do it. I'm willing to bet Dumkupf hasn't moved off my side of the bed except to go in the living room to eat. He loves to sleep on my bed and he just loves the Egyptian Cotton sheets, which I'm pretty sure TJ has left exposed by not making the bed. I'm thinking now that maybe I didn't make the bed before I left so Dumkupf was probably sleeping on them before TJ got there anyway. One of the first things I'll have to do when I get home is wash the sheets. I get in in the evening of the 30th and may not want to do it that night but first thing in the morning I'll have them in the washer then back on the bed.
I don't know why but my sister's house is always cold. I froze my butt off on the train out here and haven't been able to get warm since. I have tried heating pads and blankets but still can't seem to get my whole body warm. I can get parts of it warm but not every part at the same time. Like now, the upper part is fine but my feet feel like 2 blocks of ice. Later my feet will be warm but my upper body will be freezing. Don't know why but that's the way it's been since I got here. I'm going to go outside and see if I can warm up that way. Some days it's actually warming outside than it is in her house so I either go out there or open a window to get some of the warm air in. The cats like it but sometimes my sister doesn't and goes around closing the windows I've opened. She does spend a lot of time outside even though she's not supposed to be doing a lot of the things she has been doing. Like planting flowers and stuff. She is pushing herself way to much way to soon. I hope it doesn't hurt her healing process. I don't want her to tear her stitches out and end up back in the hospital. That would suck for her.
Well I need to get going and do something even if it's wrong. Later
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Wednesday?
My sister made it through her surgery with flying colors yesterday. I got to go up and see here with her husband, son and son's girlfriend. It was nice except for the part where everyone else was walking a hundred miles an hour and I was only walking one. I had to ask a couple of times for them to slow down so I could keep up. Any way she looked good and is expected to come home today. Yeah.............. I can already tell it's going to be a fun rest of my visit with her. Her patience are all in the hospital. I'm not sure how much of a pain in the proverbial butt she was in there but if I know her they will be glad she's going home today. (and Audrey if you see this I love you but you can be very hard to live with)
John has been great and it was wonderful to see my nephew yesterday. They (him and his girlfriend) booked it out of here early today, I think to get gone before my sister came home. I, on the other hand am a captive audience to her and am basically here to fetch for her while she's recuperating. I don't mind really because if I needed her she would be Johnny on the spot for me as well. I may not want her hovering around me but she would be there.
I smoked my last cigarette last night and today I finding myself wanting nothing better than to go out and get a pack. I have been trying to quit again (for the 4th time in as many years) and this time since I'm here and my sister really frowns on smoking maybe I'll actually have a chance of doing it for more than 6 months. That's how long I lasted the last time before I started up again. I know my doctor would love it if I could stop and never do it again but once you've been smoking for as long as I have (42 years) it's very, very ,very hard to stop completely. I don't know what to do with my hands. I've tried to crochet and knit but then when I put it down I want to put a butt in it. I have to smoke outside here and was trying to do it outside at home as well as TJ hates the way the house smells when I do it inside. Of course I spray the house down with fabric refresher and air freshener after I smoke in the house but it never completely gets rid of the smell.
I forgot to bring my med's down with me this morning so my morning med's that I usually take with my first cup of coffee didn't get in me till after 11am. I guess that's why now I'm shaky. I can't take my afternoon med's now till about 4pm and I'll have to wait tile 9 to take my night med's. I don't like having to bring the box down with me every day because, lets face it, I'm not a morning person anymore. I don't function at all till I've had at least one cup of coffee and some days not till I've had 2 or more. Oh and by the way I'm not talking about the regular size cup, I'm talking about a up that's the size (or larger) a grande at your local Starbucks or Dunkun' (depending on where your from) I have to have something big because I don't like taking 2 swallows and having to refill the cup. The less up and down I do the better.
I think I have this stair thing worked out now. I only did the stairs (that is up and down) 3 times yesterday. Today I've done the down twice but up once. I'm hoping that I have everything down here now that I need for the rest of the day so I don't have to go back up till it's time for bed.
I haven't figured out the alarm clock yet though. It's been 2 nights now that I though I had it set but in the morning it didn't go off. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Last night I figured I'd use my phone as an alarm clock, since there are plenty of ring tones that drive me nuts but guess what?....................... You guessed it I left it downstairs. At least John heard it go off. I'm not sure what he thought of it but when I did finally drag my butt out of bed this morning (only an hour after I WANTED to get up) he told me it went off an hour ago. I've only asked him every night to get me up when he gets up but he doesn't. I did however get him up on Monday morning when he overslept for work. I guess turnabout isn't fair play. I think he figures I need the beauty sleep and judging by the way I look in the mirror maybe I do. Maybe I'll go and take a nap. Lord knows I'm sleepy enough despite the fact I took something that's supposed to keep me awake about an hour ago. Go figure.
John has been great and it was wonderful to see my nephew yesterday. They (him and his girlfriend) booked it out of here early today, I think to get gone before my sister came home. I, on the other hand am a captive audience to her and am basically here to fetch for her while she's recuperating. I don't mind really because if I needed her she would be Johnny on the spot for me as well. I may not want her hovering around me but she would be there.
I smoked my last cigarette last night and today I finding myself wanting nothing better than to go out and get a pack. I have been trying to quit again (for the 4th time in as many years) and this time since I'm here and my sister really frowns on smoking maybe I'll actually have a chance of doing it for more than 6 months. That's how long I lasted the last time before I started up again. I know my doctor would love it if I could stop and never do it again but once you've been smoking for as long as I have (42 years) it's very, very ,very hard to stop completely. I don't know what to do with my hands. I've tried to crochet and knit but then when I put it down I want to put a butt in it. I have to smoke outside here and was trying to do it outside at home as well as TJ hates the way the house smells when I do it inside. Of course I spray the house down with fabric refresher and air freshener after I smoke in the house but it never completely gets rid of the smell.
I forgot to bring my med's down with me this morning so my morning med's that I usually take with my first cup of coffee didn't get in me till after 11am. I guess that's why now I'm shaky. I can't take my afternoon med's now till about 4pm and I'll have to wait tile 9 to take my night med's. I don't like having to bring the box down with me every day because, lets face it, I'm not a morning person anymore. I don't function at all till I've had at least one cup of coffee and some days not till I've had 2 or more. Oh and by the way I'm not talking about the regular size cup, I'm talking about a up that's the size (or larger) a grande at your local Starbucks or Dunkun' (depending on where your from) I have to have something big because I don't like taking 2 swallows and having to refill the cup. The less up and down I do the better.
I think I have this stair thing worked out now. I only did the stairs (that is up and down) 3 times yesterday. Today I've done the down twice but up once. I'm hoping that I have everything down here now that I need for the rest of the day so I don't have to go back up till it's time for bed.
I haven't figured out the alarm clock yet though. It's been 2 nights now that I though I had it set but in the morning it didn't go off. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Last night I figured I'd use my phone as an alarm clock, since there are plenty of ring tones that drive me nuts but guess what?....................... You guessed it I left it downstairs. At least John heard it go off. I'm not sure what he thought of it but when I did finally drag my butt out of bed this morning (only an hour after I WANTED to get up) he told me it went off an hour ago. I've only asked him every night to get me up when he gets up but he doesn't. I did however get him up on Monday morning when he overslept for work. I guess turnabout isn't fair play. I think he figures I need the beauty sleep and judging by the way I look in the mirror maybe I do. Maybe I'll go and take a nap. Lord knows I'm sleepy enough despite the fact I took something that's supposed to keep me awake about an hour ago. Go figure.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Monday rain
I woke up this morning like I'd been shot out of a cannon. I didn't know why at first but after a while I figured out that it was probably because of a loud clap of thunder. Of course I didn't sleep well last night as I didn't drug myself into a coma. When I set up my med boxes I decided not to put one of my anxiety med's in at bed time to see if I could sleep without it. Well the consensus it I can't so tonight I'll be putting it back in. Then if there is a thunder storm tonight I won't be woken up by thunder. Of course that also means I probably won't be the first one up in the morning but hey if John doesn't mind getting me up then it's OK with me.
My sister spent most of the day in bed sleeping yesterday. That means I spent a lot of time with her husband, John. I haven't always liked him because when I first met him it was at a dinner party that my sister had while I was married the first time and the both of them got so drunk they passed out. Later on in their marriage I came to find he was a great person but he doesn't spend a lot of time talking. Now that's a problem for me as I feel the need to fill up the time with something. Now, not being able to sit in front of the TV means I have to find something to do with my time which, according to my sister, will force me to broaden my mind. I'm not sure I want to do that. I haven't really missed not watch TV so far but I'm sure it will get to me soon. I'm so used to plopping down in front of the TV right after I put the coffee on in the morning that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I did bring some yarn with me to crochet with but I was done with that on Sunday. So after yesterday afternoon while my sister was awake we went to Jo-Anne Fabrics and I bought more yarn. I hope that I can get a lot of granny squares done so when I get home I can put the afghan together for Rich.
To get back to what I started about John. He is a man of few words and there are a lot of times that things are to quiet here. All you can hear is the cars going by out in front of the house and the birds singing. I like to hear the birds and the cars going by don't bother me but it just to QUIET. Give me kids yelling, someone's car alarm going off and the ever present TV blaring in the back ground and I'm a happy camper. Here at my sisters they don't seem to like any kind of noise and to tell you the truth I'm not the quietest person in the world. My sister has asked me more than once to keep the noise down and I'm not even sure what I did to make the noise. It quite an adjustment. I'm not sure yet if I like it. I have gotten so used to chaos that I'm not sure I like this.
Surprise my sister is up and it's before noon. I guess it's because she has a doctors appointment today. I would like to go back to bed because it's raining and I hurt every where you can hurt. In fact my hair hurts today. I don't mean my scalp, it's the hair it's self that hurts. I didn't sleep well so my back hurts and then there's the ever present Fibromyalgia pain that I have to deal with. It sucks today.
My sister has 2 cats, Charlotte and Matilda. When I got up this morning Charlotte decided that she wanted attention. Now I'll be the first one to give the kitties attention but let me get a cup of coffee in me first. Or let me get it started anyway. I have been up for quite a while now and every time I start doing something Charlotte is right there up my butt. She's just so damn cute I can't help but smile though. I was replying to an e-mail my mom sent me and she decided she wanted to lay on me so she plopped down on my right arm. Ever tried to type with something weighing down your arm? Not easy. Now that my sister is up she is following her so I have a reprieve from giving her constant attention. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her coming in to see what I was doing. Kind of like having a toddler attached by a string. Makes me miss my babies back home.
I wonder if Dumkupf is over his snit fit and will talk to me tonight when I call. The other day all he did was sniff the phone TJ said. I wonder if he's standing at the door thinking "OK this has gone on long enough so she can come home now." He will give me such a greeting when I finally do get home. He won't leave me alone for days after. Middy must be missing me as well and I know when I get home she will be all over me like flies on shit as well. At least I know I'm loved.
I talked to Andrew last night and he was kind like What ever! I'm all this way from him and all I wanted was to hear his voice and he wanted to watch TV. I guess I should expect that because when I usually call he's playing Black Ops and doesn't want to talk then either. I haven't found a time to call him where he's not doing something he can stop for 5 minutes to talk to me. Kids now a day. You can't talk to them and you can't shot them. Andrew won't get to see me this Saturday so I hope he'll at least miss me.
I have to get ready to go with Audrey even though I'd rather go back to bed so Later..............
My sister spent most of the day in bed sleeping yesterday. That means I spent a lot of time with her husband, John. I haven't always liked him because when I first met him it was at a dinner party that my sister had while I was married the first time and the both of them got so drunk they passed out. Later on in their marriage I came to find he was a great person but he doesn't spend a lot of time talking. Now that's a problem for me as I feel the need to fill up the time with something. Now, not being able to sit in front of the TV means I have to find something to do with my time which, according to my sister, will force me to broaden my mind. I'm not sure I want to do that. I haven't really missed not watch TV so far but I'm sure it will get to me soon. I'm so used to plopping down in front of the TV right after I put the coffee on in the morning that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I did bring some yarn with me to crochet with but I was done with that on Sunday. So after yesterday afternoon while my sister was awake we went to Jo-Anne Fabrics and I bought more yarn. I hope that I can get a lot of granny squares done so when I get home I can put the afghan together for Rich.
To get back to what I started about John. He is a man of few words and there are a lot of times that things are to quiet here. All you can hear is the cars going by out in front of the house and the birds singing. I like to hear the birds and the cars going by don't bother me but it just to QUIET. Give me kids yelling, someone's car alarm going off and the ever present TV blaring in the back ground and I'm a happy camper. Here at my sisters they don't seem to like any kind of noise and to tell you the truth I'm not the quietest person in the world. My sister has asked me more than once to keep the noise down and I'm not even sure what I did to make the noise. It quite an adjustment. I'm not sure yet if I like it. I have gotten so used to chaos that I'm not sure I like this.
Surprise my sister is up and it's before noon. I guess it's because she has a doctors appointment today. I would like to go back to bed because it's raining and I hurt every where you can hurt. In fact my hair hurts today. I don't mean my scalp, it's the hair it's self that hurts. I didn't sleep well so my back hurts and then there's the ever present Fibromyalgia pain that I have to deal with. It sucks today.
My sister has 2 cats, Charlotte and Matilda. When I got up this morning Charlotte decided that she wanted attention. Now I'll be the first one to give the kitties attention but let me get a cup of coffee in me first. Or let me get it started anyway. I have been up for quite a while now and every time I start doing something Charlotte is right there up my butt. She's just so damn cute I can't help but smile though. I was replying to an e-mail my mom sent me and she decided she wanted to lay on me so she plopped down on my right arm. Ever tried to type with something weighing down your arm? Not easy. Now that my sister is up she is following her so I have a reprieve from giving her constant attention. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her coming in to see what I was doing. Kind of like having a toddler attached by a string. Makes me miss my babies back home.
I wonder if Dumkupf is over his snit fit and will talk to me tonight when I call. The other day all he did was sniff the phone TJ said. I wonder if he's standing at the door thinking "OK this has gone on long enough so she can come home now." He will give me such a greeting when I finally do get home. He won't leave me alone for days after. Middy must be missing me as well and I know when I get home she will be all over me like flies on shit as well. At least I know I'm loved.
I talked to Andrew last night and he was kind like What ever! I'm all this way from him and all I wanted was to hear his voice and he wanted to watch TV. I guess I should expect that because when I usually call he's playing Black Ops and doesn't want to talk then either. I haven't found a time to call him where he's not doing something he can stop for 5 minutes to talk to me. Kids now a day. You can't talk to them and you can't shot them. Andrew won't get to see me this Saturday so I hope he'll at least miss me.
I have to get ready to go with Audrey even though I'd rather go back to bed so Later..............
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Hi, I made it to Ohio in one piece. I didn't sleep but 30 minutes on the train so when I got here I had been up for almost 24 hours. Needless to say I was very tired but there was a lot to do and Audrey wasn't in the best of moods yesterday. I tried to help out as much as I could but there are limits on what I can do and most of the time I felt like I was in her way so I just moved to a different location in the house and crocheted for a while.
Audrey had planned a birthday party for us yesterday so one of the things she was doing was making cakes. Yes cakes, a German Chocolate for me and a Carrot for her. The German chocolate cake was a box mix but the frosting was home made. The carrot was all from scratch and I have to tell you it was sooooooo much better that any box mix I have had. I'm going to copy the recipe and make it when I get home as a home coming cake for myself, Mike and TJ. I can't wait for that. Mike is going to let me use his food processor to grate the carrots. I think I may add a little more carrot that Audrey did in her's though. And what can I say about the German Chocolate cake other that FAB. Audrey has a cookbook with the recipe for the frosting in it and if she's not careful it may end up in my suitcase when I go home. Of course it's probably on the internet so maybe I'll just look it up and print it out when I get home. I'll have to get a 3 ring binder to put all my recipes that I've printed out from the computer in anyway so what's one more?
I went to bed early last night and slept like a rock. Probably because all I had for sleep was about an hour total since Friday morning. Audrey gave me a clock but I must not have set it right as it didn't go off (that I heard anyway) and John woke me up at 7:30 or so. I was so stiff and sore from the train that I wasn't sure I could make it down the stairs but I did. It was nice to have someone else make the coffee and serve me in the morning. I even managed NOT to be in a grouchy mood, which for me is kind of hard. Audrey slept in and John and I went to 11am mass this morning. We stopped at the Kroger's grocery store after as Audrey said I couldn't use her half and half so I thought I'd buy some for myself so she couldn't yell at me about using hers. I don't like getting yelled at about using something that you can just go to the store and get more of. I got a half gallon of the half and half and I hope that's enough for the 2 of us for the month. If not then I'll just pick up more.
Well I've had my lunch so I think I'll go lay down like the rest of the house. Lazy Sunday here. It's kind of boring without the TV to keep me company but the good news is there isn't a data limit like Audrey said so I can at least keep up with most of the shows I watch at home. And I don't have to suffer through a lot of commercials! There are a few but only one at a time I believe so I can handle that.
Till next time.
Audrey had planned a birthday party for us yesterday so one of the things she was doing was making cakes. Yes cakes, a German Chocolate for me and a Carrot for her. The German chocolate cake was a box mix but the frosting was home made. The carrot was all from scratch and I have to tell you it was sooooooo much better that any box mix I have had. I'm going to copy the recipe and make it when I get home as a home coming cake for myself, Mike and TJ. I can't wait for that. Mike is going to let me use his food processor to grate the carrots. I think I may add a little more carrot that Audrey did in her's though. And what can I say about the German Chocolate cake other that FAB. Audrey has a cookbook with the recipe for the frosting in it and if she's not careful it may end up in my suitcase when I go home. Of course it's probably on the internet so maybe I'll just look it up and print it out when I get home. I'll have to get a 3 ring binder to put all my recipes that I've printed out from the computer in anyway so what's one more?
I went to bed early last night and slept like a rock. Probably because all I had for sleep was about an hour total since Friday morning. Audrey gave me a clock but I must not have set it right as it didn't go off (that I heard anyway) and John woke me up at 7:30 or so. I was so stiff and sore from the train that I wasn't sure I could make it down the stairs but I did. It was nice to have someone else make the coffee and serve me in the morning. I even managed NOT to be in a grouchy mood, which for me is kind of hard. Audrey slept in and John and I went to 11am mass this morning. We stopped at the Kroger's grocery store after as Audrey said I couldn't use her half and half so I thought I'd buy some for myself so she couldn't yell at me about using hers. I don't like getting yelled at about using something that you can just go to the store and get more of. I got a half gallon of the half and half and I hope that's enough for the 2 of us for the month. If not then I'll just pick up more.
Well I've had my lunch so I think I'll go lay down like the rest of the house. Lazy Sunday here. It's kind of boring without the TV to keep me company but the good news is there isn't a data limit like Audrey said so I can at least keep up with most of the shows I watch at home. And I don't have to suffer through a lot of commercials! There are a few but only one at a time I believe so I can handle that.
Till next time.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
A day no one should have
When I woke up this morning for some reason I thought "today isn't going to go the way I have it planned out". Well it turns out I was right. I hadn't had a good nights sleep and woke up sleeping with one part of me one way and the other part of me another direction. If you can imagine a pretzel that's what I felt like. Needless to say my back hurt real bad and any extra movement made it worse.
I unlocked the door in anticipation of my home health aide, Monica, coming at 8 am. That also entailed moving Dumkupf, who for all of you not familiar with me is my , now 30 lb, baby boy cat. He likes to lay in front of the back door and make things hard for people who are coming in and going out that door. I can move him and 5 minutes later he's right back there. Usually when Monica gets here he moves into the bedroom till she goes in there to make the bed or get the laundry to do. Well by 8:30 she hadn't shown up or called so I called the agency to find out where she was only to find out they didn't open till 9am. I patiently waited till then and that started my phone tag with them. I found out after 3 phone calls that Monica's mother had an emergency and she had to take her so that was why she didn't show up. From what her boss told me they were slammed with phone calls this morning and that is why I had to call 3 times to get an answer. I asked them to send me someone else as this was to be my last day with them till I get back and I REALLY needed someone to come and do laundry and generally clean up before I leave to go on my trip. I was assured that someone would come but no on showed up by 11 and I didn't want anyone to come any later than that in the morning because I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. I started to make calls to the agency but something was screwy with the phones and I couldn't hear them and when they called me they couldn't get though. I think it was on their end because I was making other calls that I had no problems with. Finally Monica's boss got back to me and said that someone would come this afternoon. She asked me to call when I got back from the appointment to let her know I was home so they could send someone.
One of the other things I was dealing with was a disastrous trip yesterday. I had 2 appointments yesterday, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I was picked up just fine in the morning and only had to wait 35 minutes to get picked up to go home. That's about 30 minutes longer than I should have waited to go home. I guess when you set a return time it means that the cab company can come any time after that time. Well 2 calls to MART later the cab showed up. No apology or anything. In fact the driver didn't say one word to me the whole ride home except to ask which parking lot to drop me off in. He was pissed about something and his driving showed it. He drove to fast and tailgated every car that got in front of him. So when my next pick up time came I went outside to wait 5 minutes before the cab was due. I figured I have my Nook so I can read for a few minutes before the cab got here. Well 10 minutes later still no cab and I didn't have the companies number on me so I called MART to find out where they were and got MISS ATTITUDE on the phone. She called the company and they said the driver was in the parking lot and had been there for over 5 minutes. I explained to the woman I was outside looking at the parking lot and the only cars there were residents. She said I must not be outside looking because the company said the driver was there. I suggested that the driver may not be in the right parking lot because if they use GPS it won't bring them to the right parking lot in the complex. I decided to walk down to the parking lot where GPS take people because the woman from MART said the driver was coming around to look for me again. Well I walked to the other parking lot, which wasn't an easy thing to do and it was raining and I had no umbrella, and when I saw the driver wasn't there I called MART again. Well I got MISS ATTITUDE again and explained to her that I decided to walk down to the other parking lot to look for the van and she got pissed at me for leaving the front of my building. I tried to explain that you come in on a main road and the parking lots came off that and if the driver was in the complex he'd see me on the road but there wasn't any van anywhere in the complex. She called me a liar and said the driver was there driving around looking for me and if I didn't get back to the front of my building I wouldn't get my ride. I was already doing that and when I was walking to the front of my building talking to her when she hung up on me. About that time I heard a car skidding to a stop and turned around to find the cab parking in the parking lot and the driver jumping out to open the side door. Turns out it was the same driver that had taken me to my appointment in the morning and he assumed that he was picking me back up at my doctors in Auburn and that's where he was and where he was telling MART he was. He made a mistake and when he looked at the schedule to see where I was getting picked up he drove real fast to get me. I am not upset with him but I'm royally pissed at the *itch I had to deal with at MART. She had no reason to call me a liar and hang up on me. Yes my voice was raised but that was in response to her yelling at me. I got to my appointment on time and that's all that matters.
So to get back to today. One of the many phone calls I made was to MART to talk to the supervisor of this woman from yesterday. I have made 2 calls to her today and still haven't gotten a phone call back. I don't know if I can reach anyone now but I'm going to try. Once again I get someone at MART who doesn't care that an agent was being a *itch to me on the phone and I got the brush off.
It's now 4PM and I called the home health agency to find out where someone was and was told that the supervisor was on her way to come do the work that Monica was supposed to do today. I hope she gets here soon. I'm hungry and there isn't anything to eat in the house. I also need my prescriptions and a few other things that I needed, like ......................this morning.
OK time to quit the *itch session and try to figure out if I'm going to get my laundry done and other things done that need to get done today. AND see if I have anything hiding in the cupboards that resembles food for me to eat.
I unlocked the door in anticipation of my home health aide, Monica, coming at 8 am. That also entailed moving Dumkupf, who for all of you not familiar with me is my , now 30 lb, baby boy cat. He likes to lay in front of the back door and make things hard for people who are coming in and going out that door. I can move him and 5 minutes later he's right back there. Usually when Monica gets here he moves into the bedroom till she goes in there to make the bed or get the laundry to do. Well by 8:30 she hadn't shown up or called so I called the agency to find out where she was only to find out they didn't open till 9am. I patiently waited till then and that started my phone tag with them. I found out after 3 phone calls that Monica's mother had an emergency and she had to take her so that was why she didn't show up. From what her boss told me they were slammed with phone calls this morning and that is why I had to call 3 times to get an answer. I asked them to send me someone else as this was to be my last day with them till I get back and I REALLY needed someone to come and do laundry and generally clean up before I leave to go on my trip. I was assured that someone would come but no on showed up by 11 and I didn't want anyone to come any later than that in the morning because I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. I started to make calls to the agency but something was screwy with the phones and I couldn't hear them and when they called me they couldn't get though. I think it was on their end because I was making other calls that I had no problems with. Finally Monica's boss got back to me and said that someone would come this afternoon. She asked me to call when I got back from the appointment to let her know I was home so they could send someone.
One of the other things I was dealing with was a disastrous trip yesterday. I had 2 appointments yesterday, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I was picked up just fine in the morning and only had to wait 35 minutes to get picked up to go home. That's about 30 minutes longer than I should have waited to go home. I guess when you set a return time it means that the cab company can come any time after that time. Well 2 calls to MART later the cab showed up. No apology or anything. In fact the driver didn't say one word to me the whole ride home except to ask which parking lot to drop me off in. He was pissed about something and his driving showed it. He drove to fast and tailgated every car that got in front of him. So when my next pick up time came I went outside to wait 5 minutes before the cab was due. I figured I have my Nook so I can read for a few minutes before the cab got here. Well 10 minutes later still no cab and I didn't have the companies number on me so I called MART to find out where they were and got MISS ATTITUDE on the phone. She called the company and they said the driver was in the parking lot and had been there for over 5 minutes. I explained to the woman I was outside looking at the parking lot and the only cars there were residents. She said I must not be outside looking because the company said the driver was there. I suggested that the driver may not be in the right parking lot because if they use GPS it won't bring them to the right parking lot in the complex. I decided to walk down to the parking lot where GPS take people because the woman from MART said the driver was coming around to look for me again. Well I walked to the other parking lot, which wasn't an easy thing to do and it was raining and I had no umbrella, and when I saw the driver wasn't there I called MART again. Well I got MISS ATTITUDE again and explained to her that I decided to walk down to the other parking lot to look for the van and she got pissed at me for leaving the front of my building. I tried to explain that you come in on a main road and the parking lots came off that and if the driver was in the complex he'd see me on the road but there wasn't any van anywhere in the complex. She called me a liar and said the driver was there driving around looking for me and if I didn't get back to the front of my building I wouldn't get my ride. I was already doing that and when I was walking to the front of my building talking to her when she hung up on me. About that time I heard a car skidding to a stop and turned around to find the cab parking in the parking lot and the driver jumping out to open the side door. Turns out it was the same driver that had taken me to my appointment in the morning and he assumed that he was picking me back up at my doctors in Auburn and that's where he was and where he was telling MART he was. He made a mistake and when he looked at the schedule to see where I was getting picked up he drove real fast to get me. I am not upset with him but I'm royally pissed at the *itch I had to deal with at MART. She had no reason to call me a liar and hang up on me. Yes my voice was raised but that was in response to her yelling at me. I got to my appointment on time and that's all that matters.
So to get back to today. One of the many phone calls I made was to MART to talk to the supervisor of this woman from yesterday. I have made 2 calls to her today and still haven't gotten a phone call back. I don't know if I can reach anyone now but I'm going to try. Once again I get someone at MART who doesn't care that an agent was being a *itch to me on the phone and I got the brush off.
It's now 4PM and I called the home health agency to find out where someone was and was told that the supervisor was on her way to come do the work that Monica was supposed to do today. I hope she gets here soon. I'm hungry and there isn't anything to eat in the house. I also need my prescriptions and a few other things that I needed, like ......................this morning.
OK time to quit the *itch session and try to figure out if I'm going to get my laundry done and other things done that need to get done today. AND see if I have anything hiding in the cupboards that resembles food for me to eat.
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