It's summer now and with that comes hot, humid weather and of course rain. We all need rain and some parts of the country aren't getting all that they need. Other parts are getting more than their fair share. That would be up here in New England. We had a week straight of rain recently and it caused me to have a Fibromyalgia flair. I though it was going away but woke up this morning hurting so badly that I've been sitting here crying since 4AM.
Yes, I've been up since 4. Not by choice mind you. The man upstairs had his niece stay over last night and I'm not sure how it happened but she got locked out of the apartment. No one thought to put the automatic door opener near him so he could open the door for her. She knows I have an emergency key so she came down here and knocked on my door for who knows how long before I came out of my coma sleep and heard her. I know she feels badly because she woke me up but hey what can you do in an emergency? It definitely wasn't the way I wanted to wake up nor was it the time I wanted to get out of bed. I just went in to shut off my alarm that was going off at the time I DID want to get up.
I want to go to church today but I'm not sure if I will make it. My pain level is off the scale and I don't have any extra pain medications that I can take. If I can't get off my butt to get off the couch without crying then how am I going to do in church? My friend who lives next door will probably say he won't go now because I'm not going and that's not right. I think I may have to tell him a white lie to get him to go. He always feels like someone is going out of their way to come and get us even though our ride doesn't have to go to far to come and get us. It's just a matter of passing up the street we usually turn on and drive 1/2 mile further down the main street to get to our street to get us. It only takes an extra 2 minutes to get here if even that. Of course once she gets here she has to wait for my friend and I to walk around the building to get in the car so it takes her an extra 10 minutes before she gets to church. She doesn't mind though and I am very grateful for her wanting to come every week to get us. The Lord has put some pretty special people in my life since I went back to church. I love going and love the people. So to my friend Bob in Framingham that hooked me up with the church here in town I say a great big Thank You!
So I sit here in pain writing this. I don't think there is a part of me that doesn't hurt. Even the ends of my hair hurt and I have to take my braid out as that is pulling on my scalp and that hurts as well. I hate having a chronic pain condition. It's probably made worse because of the bi-polar disorder. Most of problems seem to be made worse because of the bi-polar. When I'm stable things are not bad but when I'm manic or depressed things get blown out of the water. Either I think I'm invincible or I'm as fragile as glass. This is something I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember but it's only been the past 20 years that I have been getting help for it. It wasn't easy to realize that what was going on wasn't normal, I thought everyone felt the way I did, but now that I know I can lead a somewhat normal life. I wish I could go back to work but the anxiety that I get when I leave the house now makes that impossible. So I sit here which makes me depressed and makes the Fibro feel worse. Vicious circle.
Enough depressing talk for now. Let's see how today goes and take it from there. I hope everyone has a great day, week, month. Thanks for listening to me.
