Bad days

I haven't talked much about my problems with my health and today I'm going to do that.
I have a lot of health problems including Fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, bi-polar disorder, severe depression among other things. This week has been one of those weeks where I just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there till I felt better.

I haven't done that though. I go to bed at the same time every evening, set my alarm and get up at the same time in the morning and fight every day to stay out of bed during the day. Yesterday morning I was up at 4am and I stayed up till 10 last night just to keep to my schedule. Schedules are very important to someone who has the problems like I do. I did try to take a nap but found I couldn't go go sleep when I went in to lay down. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was afraid if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up till this morning.

I have had a few med changes in the last month and I think they are working better than what I had been on. Lord knows I'm more awake earlier in the day and can stay awake during the day. My pain level has been lower but no where near where I want it to be. The pain level that I have may have something to do with the depression. I read somewhere where depression makes pain levels higher. I do believe that is true. I have been feeling so badly that the last time I got dressed was Sunday when I went to church. I am sitting here in the PJ's that I put on Sunday evening and don't care what I look like to smell like. I haven't had anyone over and I'm liking it like that right now.

I did make an afghan for my upstairs neighbor out of extra granny squares that I had made and he was grateful for that. He is in a wheelchair due to a wrestling accident he had 20 years ago and his legs get real cold this time of year when he's out and about. I thought that he needed something to help keep his lap warm and had all these extra squares so in a day I put together an afghan for him. I did take it up to him last night and he loved it. I'm glad I could do that for him. I had a bunch of purple squares left over and made a baby afghan for a woman at church, which I took with me when I went last Sunday, for her new baby. I love doing things like that. I have a bunch of squares left over that I'm going to put together into an afghan for the back of my couch. That is as soon as I get the energy for it. Today I don't have any.

I was supposed to start going to the Senior Center today but I don't feel like going. I not only don't want to take a shower in order to get dressed but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and just generally feel like crap. That is the depression talking today. I'm going to call COA and try to set something for Monday after my Home Health Aide leaves for the day. I do want to start going there to socialize with other people. I may turn out to be the youngest one there but at least I'm getting out of the house and talking with people who are on my intellectual level. I don't feel the program I belong to has enough people who are high functioning for me to go and do groups with. Besides that program is all the way in Southbridge and I wouldn't be able to come and go as I please like I can at the Senior Center. The senior center also offers trips to the grocery store, Walmart and hair dressers as well as a meal during the day and other activities. I really want to go to the needle crafters group.

Please pray that I feel better and this depression lifts soon. I hate feeling this way and know that some of it is the time of year. The days are so short the lack of sunlight has a big effect on me. I need to invest in a sun lamp but don't have the money for it right now. I hope that soon things will be back to normal and I can start getting back out and doing things. Sitting here watching TV all day doesn't do me any good.

Thank you for letting me vent.