Fibromyalgia

I have been reading all I can about Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago and never fully understood all the problems that it brings. Now thanks to reading about it I know wayyyyyyyyyyy to much and keep thinking things are worse than they are. One thing I do know, this fog I've been walking through for the past 5 years or so is being caused by the fibro and it's not going to get any better any time soon.

For those of you with Fibromyalgia you know what I'm talking about. That feeling that your thinking is like looking through a heavy fog. Even writing this is hard. I haven't been able to just sit down and write something without thinking long and hard for quite a while before I do it. I even have written posts and erased them because they don't sound or look quite right. I'll write whole paragraphs and deleted them because they don't look or sound good. It is tough to get out what I want to say or to do what I need to do on a daily basis and today is one of those days.

I have been working on this post for over an hour, typing and deleting, typing and deleting and checking my spelling over and over. My mind is in a complete fog and maybe today isn't a day when I should be doing this.

Last night I didn't get to bed until almost midnight but I still got up when the alarm went off this morning. I was woken up a few minutes before it went off by the kitten playing with my fingers, arm and C-Pap mask. I guess he figured "hey what's a few minutes" and woke me up. That was the last thing I wanted this morning but he's a cat and what a cat wants a cat gets, if you know what I mean. So I got up and first thing after hitting the bathroom was to feed the cats. Of course the kitten made it to the dish first, he has to be the first one fed or he just makes life real hard for everyone else. Then I went to put the coffee on and as soon as I got into the kitchen here comes the kitten to start climbing my leg and making a lot of noise to try and get me to feed him some canned food. I only feed them canned food every other day because I don't want them to get used to having it every day. Besides the kitten doesn't need to eat it because it causes him to have runny poops and that's no fun to clean up out of the litter boxes. Then I came into the living room to wait for the coffee to brew and watch some TV. I have a DVR that I watch everything on. I hate commercials so if there is something on I want to see I DVR it and watch it later. After the coffee was done brewing I got a cup and took my medications. All 14 of them. It seems some days all I do is take medications and I don't eat a thing because I'm full of pills.

Of course the kitten had to put in his two cents and started climbing my leg that was hanging off the couch and generally being a pain in the butt not only to me but to the other two cats as well. He was in rare form this morning and Middy and Dumkupf weren't happy about having the kitten attack them. They are just starting to really tolerate him and this didn't help his case to get them to like him better. He played with the papers on the floor, making me laugh, and was just bouncing off everything like kittens do till all of a sudden he just disappeared. For about and hour and a half I had no idea where he was or what he was doing. I went to the bedroom to look for him but didn't see him in there or under the couch. I have no idea where he was or what he was doing. I finally got up to get my second cup of coffee and low and behold who shows up but the kitten. Now he's curled up next to me on the couch sleeping. He was playing on the floor and with my leg and foot then he just ........................crashed!

I want to do so much today but I can't remember what I wanted to do. I hurt badly and I in such a fog I can't think straight. I need to find out if my medications that I need are in and I can't remember the phone numbers to the pharmacy and doctor's office. So now I have to try and remember where I put the phone books and look up phone numbers. By the way have you seen how tiny the phone books print everything now? Even with my glasses on it's hard to read. I have to try and remember if the doctor's office and the pharmacy have an ad in the book and look there instead of straining my eyes trying to read the listings.

So here I sit, in a fog, not wanting to do anything but needing to do a lot. I've tried writing lists of things I need to do but they just seem to disappear. Somewhere here in my apartment is a stack of paper with my "to do" lists on them. Can you help me find them? Please?

Later, off to do something, even if it's wrong. Hope I don't get lost.