Visiting Family

Once again this year I found myself visiting my sister on our birthday. It's kind of funny that for so many years I hated the fact that I didn't have a birthday to myself but now that I'm in my 50's I think it's kind of special that I can share my birthday with my first birthday present.

It's nice to get away from my apartment and I love taking the train out here to where my sister lives but it has been a trying week so far. My sister isn't a great hostess to start with then you throw in the other stress in her life and it's almost been hell. I don't totally blame her but she could have made things a little better for me.

I don't seem to be able to do anything right in her eyes. If I say I can't do something she gets this look on her face and practically screams "YES YOU CAN. You just don't want to." Well maybe some of the time it is I  don't want to but I do have my limitations and she can't seem to except that I know what they are and don't like to push them to far. I have a lot of physical pain and even when I don't push I'm still in a lot of pain. She won't let me just sit and enjoy the world passing by me. I'm expected to be ready to jump when ever she wants to do something whether or not I want to do it.

I love my sister but this may be the last year I come out here to spend our birthday together. Not only did she get on my nerves this trip but she's having problems in her marriage and she has been a bitch with her husband. I know not everyone gets along after 25 years but geesh don't have a full melt down in front of company over the little shit. She said last night if I didn't want to see it to go somewhere else but there isn't anywhere else to go that I can escape what's going on here without getting on a train and coming back home. Believe me there has been a few times in the past few days when I wish I could just hitch hike back up to the train station and wait till the next train heading east comes in. Unfortunately I don't have the money it would take to change my departure date to leave earlier. I am going home on the 16th which is this Thursday and I do believe her husband is going to be very surprised that he's the one who is going to have to take me up to the train depot at 03:00 in the morning to catch the train. I feel bad that he's going to have to do that because it's almost an hours drive up to the train station and then another hour back home and he'll have to go to work that morning as well. I really don't think my sister will haul her fat butt out of bed at 1:30 AM to get me up there in time for the train. Why should I expect her to do that when she hasn't done anything that anyone else has wanted to do the whole time I've been here. I don't even suggest doing things anymore because they just get shot down.

It's been cold here the last couple of days and that just makes me hurt even more. I just want to sit somewhere where it's warm and let that soak into my bones and let it loosen up the muscles. I am going to get into the shower today but even that has a time limit on it AND I can't let the water just run over me while I'm washing my hair as she has to pay for water and it's a waste of water to do that. I don't have to pay for water at home, or heat for that matter so it doesn't matter if I crank the heat and let the water run for an hour if I'm in the mood for that. Here I have 20 minutes in the shower to wash my long hair and bigger than I want body and then get out. Sometimes there just doesn't seem to be enough time to get warmed up before she's banging on the door for me to get out. Then if I take to long drying off and getting dressed she's banging on the bathroom door for me to hurry up and get out because she has to go. There is another half bath/laundry room downstairs that she can use but won't unless she's already down there.

I just needed to let off some steam here today. I love my sister to death and know she would do anything for me at any time. I would do the same for her. It's just been very tense here the past week and that makes me anxious and that in turn makes me take pills for anxiety and pain. I clench up and it causes the pain to get worse. So now I'm done with my bitch session and I'm going to crochet in front of the living room window where the sun comes in to try and warm up a little before I go take a shower. My sister has been down, had a bowl of cereal, saw that the show on BBC is a repeat and gone back upstairs to bed. The half and half for the coffee went bad, seemingly over night and she won't touch coffee without it so she'll be sleepy till she gets her butt in gear to go out for some. I just hope I'm ready to go when she is because she won't wait for me.